More Graitude

I know that a lot of times when you single out individuals and express gratitude, you run the risk of not mentioning someone that you should. But with a pre-emptive apology to those that may find themselves in that situation (not mentioned here) I do have to express our gratitude to a few individuals because of their focus on my wife. In particular, the women in the Relief Society. They have been incredibly supportive of my wife and like I mentioned before, she does not get the same focus because most of the time the focus is on me. But the RS presidency have been there for her whenever needed. Beyond that, Julie is extrememly blessed (and by extension so am I) to have sweet Marsha as her VT companion. I can not say enough how much we appreciate everything she has done for Julie and our family. Marsha is one of those spiritually gifted and inspired people who just show up when needed everytime. When Julie is struggling with anything, Marsha show up at the door with a plant or a candle or some little "lift me up" gift that is just what she (or even I) need.

In fact I will be wrapped up in my "now famous" UofU blanket Friday night thanks to Marsha's quilt making efforts. The day of the TCU game, she somehow found out about my UofU support need and just went out, made the quilt and delivered it in time for the game. That "blankie" now goes everywhere with me. That was only a start and I wanted to let her know (as well as everyone else that has done those "little" things) how much we appreciated your efforts in a "big" way. She also monitored it very closely to make sure our Christmas was as perfect as could be and she made sure Santa was aware of our needs and fulfilled them.

We have angels on the other side of the veil waiting until we need them, but we have even more angels like Marsha on this side of the veil who aren't waiting to be asked. There are many others like Marsha, and I apologize for not being able to share all the miracles and experiences (on this blog) from you all, but know that we love you for it and I pray that your rewards will come in a way that you recognize the good things that come from your service.

Thank you to everyone for your love prayers and acts of service and kindness.

More out of the closet

DINNER and A HIKE - GOOD TIMES

Last night we put on something besides my pajama bottoms again which is a real good indication that I went out someplace other than the hospital. My wife even got me some new levis that actually fit too. The whole family (I can't believe how often this is happening lately) went to Golden Corral and it was superb.


I had a great appetite and the food actually tasted great and I had taken the necessary preparatory drugs that allowed me to stay for a good long time and eat well. Really helped make up for the rough week. Thanks to everyone for coming (including Grandma and Grandpa).




Then this morning, everyone decided that the weather was so nice, they wanted to go hiking in Snow Canyon so they did. The whole family again, only we thought it might be a little too tough for me still so I went "in spirit". As beautiful as Snow Canyon is, it isn't hard to imagine me there in spirit, eh?




They had a great time, but when Grandma and Grandpa left to go back to Salt Lake, unfortunately Brittany had to go with them. Sadness in the air........waaa. It was marvelous to have her here.

Late night thinking

Tonight is a night for re-appreciation. It is sometimes hard to think past the now and appreciate the past in order to make the future the best that it can be (wow...... deep eh?). I have been sitting here for a while (working on computer things while I contemplate) thinking about the blessings in my life. While this has been a little bit of a rough week, I can't let it go on without remembering some basic truths.
1) I am still here with my family.
2) I know that whatever happens is being guided by a higher power that loves me more than I can ever comprehend.
3) I have the most dedicated and loving wife who has stood by me through very difficult times and has promised to be with me forever.
4) I know that even though I have made many mistakes in my life, I have a strong knowledge that I can still have them wiped clean and be able to live with my Father in Heaven again

This Christmas week was not what I thought it would be at all. You always hope that everything is happiness and good times at Christmas and while I knew that that was somewhat unlikely, I was not prepared for the total exhaustion that this round of chemo hit me with. It made it seem like the most "un"-Christmas time I could have imagined. But then a couple of things happened that made me start to re-evaluate the week. I watched my sweet wife experience happiness today, at a higher level than she has been able to for a while. Her best friend (Teresa) and her husband came down again and made everything all better. Then her mom and dad came down from Salt Lake too and we had dinner. I listened to her playing games out in the kitchen (like we used to do every Sunday night) and laugh for hours like there was no worries in her life for a while. No sickly cancer patient husband, no toxic laden (chemo residual) messes to clean up, no special laundry trips for the blankets, no special medicines to get ordered, no bottles to drain the fluid from the lungs, no changing the bandages on all the surgeries, no oxygen tanks to order, no trips back to the hospital for emergencies..... I could go on, but I realized again what an angel the Lord has blessed me with and how un-grateful and selfish I can be.

Please Lord forgive me for my selfishness. Please give her more happiness than she deserves.....

Please help me to be more appreciative of others.

REWIND:

Josh H. brought over the present on Christmas Eve that I mentioned before. It is a beautiful painting that has a very special meaning behind it, but more importantly it is special because of who it comes from. Megan you have become quite an inspiration to me and I want everyone to know that you are. I have only met you formally a couple of times (Josh keeps me informed of how wonderful you are too) but I want to thank you for your gifts and your inspiration. I have the painting hanging on the wall right next to my chair and I look at it all the time. The image of the little girl and the handcart to me probably means something different than others, but I see you in her as well. I see someone who is ready to take on the challenge she has been given, no matter how daunting it may seem. But she is not afraid. She knows she has angels to help her and I also know that too. This may not have been all that your Dad put in the painting, but it is what I have come to see in it and it gives me daily strength. Thank you again for my gift.

Well I am going to try and get back after the positive side of all this in the morning, but while I had so much going on in my mind, I wanted to put it out there.

*******************

Oh ya and Brittany ( my oldest daughter) came down with Grandma and Grandpa and how I have missed her too. It reminds me of the "Night Before Christmas" story as my three girls are all snuggled in Katie's bed with visions of .... something, dancing in their heads. They are all a joy to me. I truly love my family. Hugs and kisses for her. Yippee.

Rough week

It has been a rough chemo recovery week. I will be back as soon as I can be positive. Sorry....

Christmas update

Well, it is late Christmas night. Everyone is in bed. Another batch of memories and experiences are tucked away for us to draw on. Although it wasn't quite what I had hoped for, I am so thankful I am here. It was a little rougher through the chemo this time and it made it somewhat difficult to participate, but I did my best and it was still a great Christmas thanks to all the help and support we got from everyone. Since I am sitting in my work / chair reminiscing on the day, and hoping I can get a little more sleep tonight sometime, I will do my best to share some of the wonderful things that people did for us and not focus so much on the other parts of my day (although lots of people keep wanting to know so I will try and be honest about it).

Josh Haycock came over with a wonderful present from he and his wife Megan. I cherish it more than you will know. It was truly inspired and made me cry (in fact I am starting to cry again just thinking of it). It is too special for words and I can't thank you enough.

One of Shawn Guzman's daughters (Shawn is the City attorney here in St. George) remembered Katie from an encounter at the pool a while ago and decided to come visit with her Dad and bring a fun gift for her. It was so neat to think that she would want to do that for her and Katie just fell in love with it. I hope that their friendship can continue (the gift included continued internet interaction) and I think it will. Thanks to Shawn for helping teach kids the value of caring for others and friendships. Just shows you that there is hope for some attorneys I guess.


One major Christmas tradition here is Mom's Christmas Eve soup dinner. She makes several different kinds of soups (most famous for her Print Shop cheese soup) and tons of soft breadsticks for dipping. We get out all the Christmas place settings. It is most memorable and we have been doing it for years. Even though I had been in bed most of the day so far, nothing was going to keep me from my place at the table for this one. I hobbled out and had a taste of the soups and it was delicious. Way to go Julie. Another great Christmas eve dinner. And thanks to Nicole for her help or it may not have happened because Julie actually got called into work earlier in the day.

Santa somehow found his way to our house and in the morning, it was nothing short of awesome. Thanks again to all of Santa's helpers (you know who you are), we had an incredible morning (mostly watching Katie open another present and saying "this is unbelievable" and "I just love it"). The hit of the morning was a stuffed animal hippo that she would not let out of her sight all day. It is her favorite and she is so cute with it. (Good call someone). Just so you know, our Christmas is a very early one. We usually hold the kids back till 6:00 (yes a.m.) and that is as long as we have been able to manage. Our gift opening is usually over by 8:00 and everyone goes off to admire the spoils, enjoy the new games or in the case of the parents, go back to bed. Josh and Kirby actually made the trek over here in the dark at 6:00 so that the tradition could continue (sorry Kirby). I managed to sit out in the chair in the front room for the entire time, but barely felt good enough to open a couple of my presents. I didn't even empty my stocking, but it was fun to watch everyone else. Back in bed by 9:00 as predicted. Spent most of the day there too.

I knew that funds were limited for me so I decided that this year since I had been given a second chance to share memories with my family, that that is what I would do. So I started writing a memory letter to each of the kids and my wife for their presents this year and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. IT has taken me weeks to finish and lots of tears. I had lots of memories and I shared my testimony with each of them, but it seemed like the letters were turning into a farewell and "last will" type thing, and I do not believe we are quite there yet. But it was still the hardest thing I think I have ever done. I was very glad to have a chance to tell each of them how I feel about the gospel and my testimony of the Savior. I have not done that the way that I should have in the past so I am grateful for that "second chance". We told the kids that they could wait and read the letters later if they chose and the older kids (and Julie) probably will wait. (Oops now Brittany knows what she is getting when she comes down with Grandma and Grandpa Sunday.....lol). We are really hoping she can still come down and missed her a lot today.

So overall, I felt truly blessed today (even though this chemo "downer" is a lot harder than the last two). I am blessed because I have my family with me, my knowledge of the Savior at this time of his celebration, and especially the faith that I am doing what the Lord wants me to do and I am happy to accept his will. Nothing more could I ask for than that.


Trying to look happy.....is it working????

Merry Christmas. I hope this helps you appreciate what gifts you received from friends and the Lord in your life too.

City of St. George

Sometimes when you need to be reminded of all the good people around you and the good in them, it humbles you to the point where you can only try and express appreciation to them any way you can. So this post is to shout out to all the awesome employees at the City of St. George (that I worked with for three years). I had been notified that they were collecting food for us and others but then they went overboard and stopped by yesterday (while I was getting chemo) with some tremendous wrapped gifts for our kids. Although they are a little older (Justin and Katie are 15 and 10), we all remember that age and how important is sometimes to get a gift or two under the tree on Christmas. Well thanks to the great people at the City of St. George, they will have several (lots actually) and we have food for Christmas and some to put away for storage as well.


This is again a difficult thing for a proud person like myself to accept, but I am learning that it is more for others to be able to give, than for me to focus what I can't provide at this point. I know that Christmas brings this out in most people, but it again proves to me that the people at both the City of St. George as well as the people of the City of Rapid City (I greatly appreciated their fundraiser as well which is still paying for some of the expensive medicine I need) are some of the best people on this earth.

I don't know how to express it, but I am grateful and say thank you from all of us in my family to each one of you. Merry Christmas and with acts of kindness like this, Christ is definitely central in our Christmas. God has blessed me with a second chance to make memories, learn humility, and experience amazing insight, and not many get this opportunity.

THANK YOU ALL and MERRY CHRISTMAS

Nicole's B-day party

Morning presents for Nicole before chemo.



Josh gave a mighty solo rendition of Happy Birthday that rattled the rafters.



Wish I could have gone with them to the pizza place. I might have been able to stop them from getting tatoos and letting Nicole start drinking now that she is legal...lol.



She is 21 now and decided to prove it.......(she turned into a drinkin' lush....pretty sure it isn't alcoholic, but you never know)

Post Chemo....

So I am sitting in my chair (at home) watching the Jazz game and thought I would share a little of the chemo day with you. We first had presents and sang Happy Birthday to Nicole and then she drove me to the IV therapy room at the old hospital where I get the chemo treatment.

Roz (one of the great nurses there) saved me the really soft chair. My port was already "accessed" from yesterday so she basically started by giving me the pain meds and anti-naseau to help me make it through. Then she started hooking up the bags . Saline bags first and then the first chemo solution. They have to do them one at a time, in order, and give everything time to work so that my body can handle it all right.

Now sit and sit and sit.

I checked in at 9:30 this morning and when Julie finished her work and came to get me at around 3:30 pm I was still about an hour from being finished. They put the last chemo bag (I get 2 different kinds of chemo each time) on the IV tree stand and "let er rip" and Julie climbed on the bed they had next to my chair and slept for a while too. What do I do the whole time? They have a TV I can watch but today I read my book and listened to my christmas music on my MP3 player till the benedryl kicked in and I actually was able to sleep for about 2 1/2 hours real well. It is basically boring when they get it hooked up and running but depending on how the body reacts to the chemo, you have to visit the bathroom often (usually 2 or 3 times for me each time) and if you feel up to it, you try and get whatever food and / or (especially) fluids you can into your body to flush the chemo out.

Now I just go home and wait for either bad times in the next few days or whatever comes. The rest of the family went to a new Pizza restaurant place for Nicole's birthday (some new Pirate place here in St. George) so when they get back I will add pictures. I really wanted to go (and almost did) but I think that would be pushing it too far tonight (and not really smart either).

Church again

Wow, I am really pushing it now..... I went to church for the first time since the surgery last Oct. Julie sang in a trio and Nicole accompanied on her flute with Justin accompanying on his cello. It was beautiful. They did a great job and I lasted just until they were done singing (halfway through the meeting). Then I went out and sat in the foyer where I could stand up if I needed (I did need several times) and the chairs were much softer. I did real well out there, but by the time I got home, I figured I was done for.... and I was. Slept most of the day and could barely get up to eat dinner. Wow what a weekend. I am so glad cause now I get to get back into the other part of my life now..... test, more tests, chemo, sleep, recover etc.... oh and somewhere in there we are going to squeeze in Christmas and New Years.

Thanks to everyone who helped me out this weekend. It was full of great memories.

More family time before "chemo-ing" it up again....

My next chemo session is scheduled for Tues so we are trying to take advantage of the good days I am having now. I don't like having it scheduled 2 days before Christmas (and on Nicole's birthday), but I guess you have to do what they tell you sometimes. It could make Christmas a rough time if I hit my rough days early, but I hope there is a delay so I can enjoy some family time on Christmas.

Since we are trying to come out of the "chemo closet" we decided to go to the Tuacahn Nativity trip with the deaf branch tonight. Here in St. George, one of the neatest things is the Tuacahn theater and every year they do a live Nativity program with live animals and everything. It is a great outdoor theater in the heart of a canyon with an amazing "southern utah" red cliffs backdrop. We try and go every year but I did not think I would be going this year. The deaf branch scheduled tonight for an activity and so we decided to give it a try.

I rested all day to get ready and and took my oxygen, bundled up warm and off we went. They have a little train that takes you around the back lot and when the deaf branch went on it, Nicole (she is such a sweetheart as well as a certified interpreter) "signed" the little narration on the train for the deaf people and I got to finally get a picture of her "doing her thing".

Then we went into the theater and enjoyed the Nativity program. It was a little bit hard because the deaf group (they are awesome) sits way in the front (can you say a bazillion stairs) and for Katie, we get to sit with them. Tonight, it wasn't a blessing for me to have to climb all the stairs, and it was kinda cold, (we did dress warm) but it is a good thing to have the "somewhat" reserved seats.

When we got home I hurried and took some pain pills, climbed into my sleeping /chair and turned on the BYU bowl game (sorry Cougs) that we had recorded. As soon as the medication kicked in and I felt recovered, I realized that this might be why I was given a chance to stay here on earth a little longer. Even through the pain, I felt the spirit of the Christmas message and felt strengthened again by the angels on this side of the veil. It was a wonderful experience for us as a family and some great memories were made again. I just never made enough of these memories before. (Really missed Brittany tonight, but you were there in my heart babe.....We really love you and Clint).

I love my family very much and I have never been closer. Thank you God for my second chance. I am going to make the most of it till ..... well as long as I can. I promise you all. It was so neat, I can't sleep now. Oh well, I will just enjoy the spirit as long as I can.

Just for Nicole

Go BYU tonight. Yes I will be cheering with her for them tonight. I can see no harm in it and she did drive all the way down to be with us so it is the least I could do.......and never let it be said......(some of you know the rest of that......)

Nicole is here.....yippeeeee

My daughter Nicole finished her finals and drove down from Salt Lake this morning. She just walked in the door and it will be so fun to have her here (she does the dishes a lot for us....lol) and we are going to bake cookies and watch the Santa Clause movies and everything. Yippeeeeeee. I am really excited for Christmas. I am a total Christmas nut and I am so grateful I have been given a chance to spend at least one more (hopefully a lot more) with my family.

I don't know what the future will bring, but the present is doing real good at this point with all things considered. At least I am here and with my family for the holidays. Thanks to prayers from everyone and miracles, I am stil here.....(gotta stop before I start tearing up again).

Now she (Nicole) is out playing christmas music on her flute which she hasn't played for a while and Julie is accompanying her on the piano....... I LOVE Christmas.

So where did my voice go??? Surprise!

Just got back from the ENT (ear nose and throat) doctor and i still detest having things shoved through my nose and down my throat like scopes with little lights on them. (Just thought I would reassure those that questioned it).

THE GOOD NEWS and BAD NEWS:

The good news is he thinks he knows what caused me to lose my voice. The bad news is that it might require surgery to fix it. The good news is that we are scheduling the surgery after the holidays. The bad news is that because of everything else wrong with me it is more risky and potentially dangerous than most people. The good news, I am used to that anyway.......ok I will get to it now.

THE CAUSE:

He believes that some of the cancer may have killed one side of my vocal chords (or at least the nerve) so it doesn't close completely to touch the other side when I try and talk. It also affects my ability to eat and especially drink liquids (I have noticed this and just learned to live with it and be careful). But even this puts me at risk so they feel that the surgery is justified even though for me it is more risky than most people (since it already is a risk without it).

THE SURGERY:

The surgery will consist of going down my throat and injecting some substance into the right side of the vocal chords to push the side that is dead, closer to the point where the two sides meet so that it touches when it is supposed to. In other words the left side that works right will come in and actually touch the right side because it has been shoved a little closer manually. (make sense?) It actually did to me but I had to have a picture because I have been a manager too long.

THE RISK:

There are actually several concerns, but the biggest one is the medicine (Coumadin) I am taking for my blood thinning due to the clot they found in my left arm the second time I was in the hospital. I am going to have to stop taking that for 5 days so the clot risk returns but it will be done in the hospital where they can monitor that one closely. The problem is that the risks associated with the blood could also come into play in a week or two after as well so I have to be very careful. To be honest there were other risks and they want me to go see an internist first to be sure that all the other factors from all the other surgeries is stabilized enough so if anything is not good we will call it off until it is.

COORDINATION:

On top of that........ we have to try and fit it inbetween chemo treatments so that I can do it when I am on the best "upswing" weeks between the chemo. Fun times.

Any questions just leave me a comment and I will have my secretary get right back to you.

Brothers...

Almost forgot.....happy birthday to my big brother Kelly and my little brother is now out of my will cause he never told me about his plans for his store..... had to find out from someone else. Too bad Dan, I bet you could have used the $20......lol.

Fun times today

So we tried it out and it was fun fun fun. Julie and I went to Walmart. Our experience was a little bit different than Megan's (might have been the time of day). It wasn't very crowded and I had a great time racing around in those little electric cars (played "chicken" with several others and I always won.... they were all old fogies) and found all the stuff I wanted to get for Christmas (mostly candy......lol). Then we stopped at Subway and I forgot how good those Subs can be when you have been eating in a lot (not that Julie hasn't been feeding me good).

Stopped at City Hall to get a paper notarized and ended up seeing lots of people so it took longer than anticipated. Made one other stop to get some presents and when i finally got home, I was tired but oh so happy. Back to back days out for fun and a date with my wife today. I fell asleep in less than 5 minutes but smiling from ear to ear.

Good times. Anxious to see where I can dream up tomorrow..... maybe we will drive to Vegas and drop some serious change........

Coming out of the "chemo" hibernation.....

Julie and I have decided that we are going to take the recommendation of several of the doctors we have seen and change our attitude towards "isolation". Also in talking with Josh H. a little about his wife again (I really appreciate her inspiration to me) that I need to get out a little more from now on. Up till now, we have been very careful (and without knowing how I would handle chemo, it was the right thing to do) and I have not gone out in public hardly at all. I haven't even gone to church.

But we are going to slowly change that somewhat and I am going to get out more. Dr. Rawson (in Rapid City) tried to help us understand that way of thinking in the very first discussion, but it is hard to not want to totally protect yourself. He explained that with certain basic precautions, I can still live a "life" and not become a total recluse. So no "reclusing" for this guy any more. We will be careful and avoid sickness where ever possible and washing hands will become a total obsession, but I have decided to come out......of my chemo closet (actually just when my antibodies are built back up after treatment so it will still be somewhat limited).

So if you have any really cool events that you think I should attend (like the Sugar Bowl or actually any bowl game, the NBA championship, departmental Christmas party or whatever.....), just send an e-mail to my secretary and we will see if I can work it into my new schedule ...lol.

Just thought I would share that with you today. I am still up for visitors occasionally as well. Just call first and make sure it is not the bad week of chemo (when I try and be a little more careful or am too tired). Thanks to everyone who has been over to see me in between the bad weeks, and especially to my home teacher in the hearing ward (Bro. Jennings) who has seen to it that they bring the sacrament to me every week. I really appreciate all the efforts made in my behalf.

I love you all very much.

(I doubt I will be going to the Sugar Bowl, but I will be watching for Alma and the others that are.... GO UTES......)

Party on dude.........

******** CHRISTMAS PARTY - ST. GEORGE IT DEPARTMENT


You know just when you need it most, good friends come through. I got a call yesterday (had a pretty rough time with the reality of "no miracle") and my old co-workers from the City here invited me to their department Christmas party luncheon. I was thrilled to say yes but I knew I would have to convince Julie to let me go. It turned out she was actually in favor and encouraged me to go. So I went and talk about a great therapy program. Tons of great food (and they didn't make me bring anything), Wii games on the huge overhead projector, and the best friends and company anyone could ask for. I really needed the change and the company. Totally therapeutic.



Thanks goes out to the great IT department here in St. George. They really know how to show an old co-worker a good time........ they were awesome and I am ready to go after it again. Now ....pictures......


Don't forget to check out the "Christmas Story" leg lamp on the table (only Josh H. would have one...lol) It was also "frajeelay".......

Weather on the way to doctor's

Snowing???



It is starting to snow......in St. George????

Scan results

While driving to the doctor's, we were in the middle of a snow storm and it was cold and gloomy. I thought this had better not be an indication of the news and luckily it was not.....

Went to the doctor Te's office for the results. He is pleased from a doctor's point of view. I should be too (and I am) but I had allowed myself to get hopeful that he would say "hmm where did all the cancer go.... it is all gone?". Guess what he didn't say that.... darn it. The areas that were prevalent in the last scan all showed "no uptake" which meant that their choice of chemo had stopped all cancer growth in those areas (and they did not identify any new areas) that had been a concern. This is actually incredibly good news and I am pleased to a point but it was unfortunate that I allowed my hopes to get so high (little let down now).

Where from here? The best course of action with these results (unfortunately) is three more treatments and a scan.... (I smell a pattern coming on....lol). So while it is not the "miracle" we all look for in these situations (right fellow cancer people), it is actually a miracle for me that it stopped the growth. We may not ever get rid of it (so the medical doctors warn) but at least I have had some success for which I am truly truly thankful.

I will write more later when I have had time to get used to the news, but I wanted all of you to know as soon as I could.

We have an inch of snow on our front lawn. This is supposed to be St. George folks.... come on.....

Followers...

I have to admit, I am still learning a little about this blog site and I noticed the followers at the bottom. I didn't understand it when I put it on originally (I thought it looked cool and I am game for anything cool). But since I read up on it finally, I wanted to just note that I moved it up where I could see it and I wanted to thank those of you who put yourself on there. I didn't realize some of you even knew about this but when I saw some of you, it made me smile and as I get feeling better, I will get back to you as soon as I can.

Thanks again to everyone for their support and prayers. (Pray for my kids too.... several are going through finals.....ahhhhhhhhhhh ..... the memories). I am glad that part of my life is over but it does remind me of a joke. You know why old people start doing their geneology and going to the temple so much......."cramming for their finals too".......lol (ok sorry it is too early in the morning... can't sleep waiting for scan results....just groan and move on)....

(for Judy and Matthew.... Fee Fie Foe - Fee Fee Fie Fie.)

Weekend of waiting

Some of our friends from Salt Lake came down to visit a little this weekend. It was great to see them and helped take my mind off the upcoming results of my scan. Justin had a performance with a string quartet yesterday and Julie decided I could go to this one because there wouldn't be as many people there and I really wanted to see my boy perform. It was great. He is truly gifted on the cello and he proved it again. He did great and I was really glad I got to go. Way to go Justin.

Wow what a trip back to the 70s

This morning, I didn't have any doctors or tests or anything so I decided to catch up on some DVR stuff. A while ago I recorded the Osmond's 50th anniversary tour thing on PBS and so I decided to watch it. Wow what a trip...... but the thing that was really funny is when they were singing the song "Long haired lover from Liverpool", Julie started to sing right along with them and really getting into it. Turns out she and Suzanne (her sister) were all caught up in Osmond mania back in the 70's. I had heard a few stories, but I learned some more about my angel wife after 25 years. Glad I only bought their Christmas album. Scary.

It took 3 of them to bring me in.....

I hear a knock on the door.... it is louder than the UPS guy. I look out the window..... oh no it is the cops...... what do I do. Of course I open the door. Not only the police...... it is the 3 of St. George's finest. Deputy Chief Peck, Chief Stratton and since they don't get out much they brought the Dispatch director Jeff Dial to make sure they found me.



What a shock. It made my whole day...no whole month in one visit. I can't say how much I appreciated it. Timing was good, we had a good visit and they made me feel like I can do it because so many people are behind me. In fact in this picture, I decided with some great people like this holding me up, i shall not fall or fail.......

A beautiful day in St. George

It is absolutely beautiful here in St. George today.

For the past few weeks, I have been able to drive Justin to school in the morning. It is only a 15 minute drive, but the important part is that I have been able to do it without my oxygen and I feel like my lungs are getting stronger. I also went for a little walk around our circle with my wife today without the oxygen or the walker. It is amazing how these little things mean so much now. It seems like a small thing but to me now these are minor victories.

It has been hard to watch my wife and kids cleaning up the leaves and yard and not being able to do it myself. It was always therapy for me to do yard work and now that I can't it hurts. But I am trying to do the best thing to get my body better.

Tired, but feeling good......

What is a "port -a- cath"

Some of you may be wondering what a "port a cath" is. I have pictures.

Instead of an IV everytime I go in, they surgically put a "main line" IV from my shoulder straight into one of my arteries in my chest. This allows them to both drip things like chemo, blood, saline, etc into me without having to get an IV in my arm, but it also allows them to draw blood out through the same line.


They simply "access" the port which is a small little needle (feels like when I prick my finger for my blood sugar tests" and hook it up. Then they can leave it for a few days if I am having lots of tests or take it out if it will be while and access it again when it is needed. Amazing and I love it.


This is what it looks like after it is all in place......

Tests are done... results won't be till Mon.

I just finished the PET scan, but they said the results won't be till Monday so we have an appointment set up for then. Till then thanks for all your prayers again. The scan was much easier this time and I know that it was because of the prayers.

Resting day

Under doctor's orders, I had to rest for my scan tomorrow. So I just watched TV and worked on the blog. Julie had a lot of work (she does Hallmark Card setups) and so Christmas time is crazy. Also one of the other ladies quit so she gets extra today. Today was the ward Christmas Party, but it was too hard for us to go (and I can't anyway) so she went to finally see a movie to take her mind off of it all. I guess it is still hard for her to have people come up all the time and say how is Jim, what is happening. We know they mean well, but sometimes it is too much. I love and support her in this so just remember us in your prayers and I will try and take some of that off her plate here in the blog.

I had a nice day though. Trying hard not to get my hopes up too much for the scan results. I know I have cancer and a rough road ahead, but it sure would be nice to have another miracle or two... ( who can blame me for wishing)......

More tests look good

We went to IV therapy for a few more tests. They are still looking good. I hope I a not getting my hopes up too high for tomorrow. We will see.

Judy told me that Nathan fasted for me Sunday and I know it helped. Thanks little buddy. Your prayers mean a lot to me. I sure love ya.

First rough day

Sun Dec 7th It finally hit a little bit and I have had a rougher day to day than the first part of the week. I was so glad Julie was back and told her at least 57 times. I can’t say how much I appreciate all she has done for me through this. I know that the Lord sent her to me for a specific reason and she is my angel on this side of the veil. I only hope that I can continue to repay her for all she does for me.

I need my angel wife ... more than I thought

Sat Dec 6th Ok so I lied. I didn’t do very well with Julie gone. I thought I would be ok and to be honest, physically, I was ok. But mentally, I broke down. I called Julie halfway through the day and started crying (dumb huh?) and told her I needed her to come home tonight instead of tomorrow. Of course she said she would and I immediately felt better just knowing she would be here. Justin did a great job of taking care of me and there was no real reason that Julie had to be here. In fact she didn’t get home till after midnight, but it didn’t matter. I needed her to just be here. I think I got a small taste of what she felt when she thought she may have to go on without me and I didn’t like being without her. It was not fun and I told her she could never do that again….lol.

3 days waiting.... no bad stuff yet

Wed. Dec 3rd Waiting for the downturn of the chemo experience and it never comes today. Feel absolutely great to be honest.

Thur. Dec 4th Same story. Still feel good

Fri. Dec 5th Still feel good. Julie and Katie decided to go to Salt Lake this weekend. It will be a good test to see how independent I can be. Justin is here with me though and I have lots of people I can count on. I am really doing good.

Round 3 in IV Therapy pretty uneventful

Tues Dec 2nd Went in for chemo. I am getting used to it so Julie went to work while I just laid in the chair and did my chemo thing. Pretty uneventful. I did meet some neat people there though. Tim and Liz were a neat couple that had some neat stories too. He found out he has colon cancer and his chemo is different and he goes in every two weeks instead of three.

Round 3 chemo coming up tomorrow

Mon Dec 1st Went to Doctors and had tests drawn to determine if I was ready for the 3rd round. Everything looks real good so we are a go.

Special prayers work

Sun Nov. 30th When Bro. Jennings came to bring the sacrament to me I was feeling really good so we talked for a while. I was really glad because he told me why I did so well with 2nd round of chemo. Neither of us knew it at the time, but we pieced together that on the Sunday before, the Elder’s Quorum and High Priests group had a special fast and prayer for me. I am certain that my ease with the 2nd round was a direct answer to their fasting and prayers.

Everyone helps with tree

Putting up Christmas Tree

Sat. Nov 29th Today was a very very special day for me. Almost every year (except for last year while I was in Rapid City) on the weekend after Thanksgiving it has been a tradition for me (and the family) to get out the Christmas Tree and put it up. I have been a total Christmas fanatic all my life and my family has “put up with it” in the past but last year we found out just how much it meant to all of us as a family. Julie almost couldn’t put up the tree last year, but with Josh’s help they did get it up eventually but it wasn’t until later in December. So this year everyone asked me if we were going to put it up this weekend and my response to everyone was something like “Well duhhhh.. is there any question?” Unfortunately I was not doing very well physically and had to take some medication to help me through the day and I spent most of the time sitting in my “special” chair in the family room and watching. We got all the Christmas stuff out and got the tree ready but I waited until Josh and Kirby came over before we actually put it up. I took some time to tell him that I was officially making “the putting up of the tree” his “shared” responsibility. This means that as long as I am here, he had to help me and when I am not here (for whatever reason) he is responsible to see to it that the tree gets put up for his mother in my honor (and I assured him I would still be there one way or another). I don’t think any of us ever realized just how important this tradition meant to us all. We were all here today. All the kids at were helping first and Julie got off work in time to do the lights and ornaments). Even though I sat in the chair and just watched there were a couple of things that stood out as really neat experiences. I watched as Julie and Kirby worked together on the lights. It was neat to see how they worked together and Kirby asked about the way that we do it to make sure she didn’t disrupt the tradition. Then as they started putting up the ornaments I saw Julie have moments of remembering experiences and events that each ornament represented. I realized that this tree had more than just a “tradition of putting it up”, but it represented our lives experiences and memories in a box that we relive once a year together. This was quite a revelation to me. What a wonderful day.

Recovery day

Fri. Nov 28th I tried to rest most of the day because I do think I might have overdone it a bit yesterday. Spent most of the day in bed watching football so it wasn’t all that bad. Grandma and Grandpa F. and Alma came over in the evening and they played games (Cranium) and they had a wonderful time. I was a little too tired to play so I watched a lot and just wandered. I still enjoyed having the family here.

We do the WII

Grandma and Alma loved the penguins on the WII.



Grandpa did great with the Yoga.

Thanksgiving and Katie's Birthday

*********THANKSGIVING ********

Thur. Nov 27th Thanksgiving Day: It was a wonderful day and full of good memories. The girls helped Julie get the dinner ready and there was some great bonding time there. They had a fun time with the turkey and Brittany has decided she will never cook a turkey herself. She didn’t think it was all that funny. Grandma and Grandpa Faerber and Alma came down from Salt Lake and got here right at 4:00 and Josh and Kirby got here right after.

We all went around the table and said what we are thankful for. Obviously, this year most of us were thankful for our family and being together like never before. I, especially am thankful to be with the family and actually to just be alive. It was a great traditional thanksgiving dinner with all the usual food including a bunch of pies. Then we played the WII and watched the video of Josh’s wedding. It was really neat. It was especially fun to watch Grandma and Grandpa Faerber and Alma do the WII fit.
tried the penguin game and we all laughed till we almost cried. It was hilarious.

*******KATIE'S BIRTHDAY *******


Katie’s Birthday: Today was also Katie’s birthday and we had a great time celebrating her birthday as well as Thanksgiving. It made it double the fun and also made it so that Grandma and Grandpa and Alma could be here for both. That really meant a lot to Katie. She got a real nice digital camera and has had a lot of fun taking lots of pictures. She got a huge cake, but because there was so much other food (including pies) we will be eating that cake for a year.

The girls are here

Girls from Salt Lake are here....Yippeeee

Wed. Nov 26th Getting ready for Thanksgiving day and for the girls to come down. I have been doing a lot of cleaning the house and helping, but I may be doing more than I should and I may pay the price later. I do feel good though and think I am on the way up which is good since I need to be healthy again by next Tues for my 3rd round of chemo. I am really anxious to get this one done so we can do the tests and verify how well I am responding to it. The girls got down here to St. George in the late afternoon and it was so good to have them here. We all have missed them so much and it was just awesome to have them all here. Katie was glad to have them here too.

First blood transfusion

Tues. Nov 25th Went to the urologist this morning because I have been having some difficulty and it was time to change the catheter. More medication for spasms. Ine more pill to add to my daily medication. Later in the afternoon, I went back to IV therapy for a blood transfusion. I guess my iron is very low and they felt I needed it. After the transfusion, everyone commented on how much better I looked. Color in my cheeks was much better.

Cleared with EKG

Mon. Nov 24th This morning I sort of felt that feeling again with the shortness of breath. It was different than the fluid in the lungs. When we went to Dr. Te’s today I mentioned it and so he scheduled a couple of other visits for tests. In the afternoon we went to the hospital again for another echo-cardiogram. The technician told me he saw some fluid in the heart area again and so they got a cardiologist who said it wasn’t anything to worry about but we will we wait to talk to Dr. Te. Till then it is good to know I am not going to be running to the E.R. again for fluid around the heart over Thanksgiving.

Rest day

Sun Nov 23rd Spent most of the day resting. Not a lot of energy but not as bad as other days. Just pretty tired. It was a nice day.

Dinner and a game.... GO UTES

Sat Nov. 22nd We had a great “pre-Thanksgiving” dinner with Mom and Dad today. They came over in the morning and Katie and I played cards with them for a few hours. Then they ran to the store and bought a bunch of stuff for a Thanksgiving dinner and we ate about 2:00 in the afternoon. Josh and Kirby were able to make it and so we missed having the girls but it was great to have everyone else there. Then Dad and Mom and I went downstairs and watched to BYU – Utah game and Utah kicked it in gear the second half and killed em. It was awesome. I really like having someone to watch the game with because no one in my family cares about it at all. Josh and Justin are Utah fans and cheer for them, but they really are not into sports at all. Nicole on the other hand has converted to a true blue BYU fan and she was fun to talk to after the game. We waited a little too long to give Katie her birthday present from Grandma and she was asleep just like a good “Cook” after 7:00. She did love it the next morning, but no way was she able to wake up enough to appreciate it that night. Mom and Dad left late and then drove home Sunday morning so we said goodbye tonight. It was sad to see them go.

Mom and Dad come down .... I actually do some work here too.

Fri. Nov 21st
I was able to spend time on the conference call this morning for my staff meeting and they are doing very well. Then I worked on getting ready for the meting with the NICS guys. They came at 1:30 and we talked for several hours. It was very productive. Mom and Dad came shortly after and we had a nice visit. They came down for an early Thanksgiving dinner with us tomorrow. Also Dad and I are going to watch the “holy war” (BYU-Utah game) tomorrow. It was a good day but a little bit tiring.

First day dressed (no pajamas) in a while ... date with Julie

Wed Nov 19th
I was really feeling good today so when Julie got Katie off to school, I told her that I wanted to get out and go shopping or something. I actually put on some clothes (Levis and they had a hard time staying up even with a belt) and we went to get some prescriptions refilled and then to Smiths. We got some lunch and sat and ate it there. It was so fun and I needed it badly. It was real fun too cause I got to drive around on that little driving carts they have for people like me now and they are pretty cool. It did take a little toll on me though and I was pretty wiped out for most of the rest of the day. Even though I feel good, I guess I still have some of that chemo going through my body. I am trying to remember to drink lots of fluids to flush it out, but some days I don’t do as well as other.

Little chemo "downer"

Tues Nov 18th
Today was what I consider a little set back day. No real bad nausea or anything, but definitely a “chemo-reminder” day. Couldn’t eat a lot at first and very tired. Spent a lot of time in the chair today. Feeling somewhat better by night though.

Planning pre-Thanksgiving dinner

Monday Nov 17th
Went in for checkup with Dr. Te. He said everything was looking good at this point and tried not to give me too much yet, but I could tell that even he was pleased. I am still worried that I may have some up and down days yet because I did have some through the last treatment, but so far the whole experience has been much better than the last one.
Called Mom and Dad and decided to have them come down this next weekend for a small little pre-Thanksgiving dinner with them here. They seemed to like that idea so we will probably have visitors again this weekend. I am just glad that I am up for even thinking about it. I hope it works out well.

Planning pre-Thanksgiving dinner

Monday Nov 17th
Went in for checkup with Dr. Te. He said everything was looking good at this point and tried not to give me too much yet, but I could tell that even he was pleased. I am still worried that I may have some up and down days yet because I did have some through the last treatment, but so far the whole experience has been much better than the last one.
Called Mom and Dad and decided to have them come down this next weekend for a small little pre-Thanksgiving dinner with them here. They seemed to like that idea so we will probably have visitors again this weekend. I am just glad that I am up for even thinking about it. I hope it works out well.

Feeling unbelievably good

Sun. Nov 16th
Everyone (except Katie and Nicole) went to the hearing ward and the girls went later to the deaf branch. I slept a good part of the day, but then at around 2:00 we had dinner. The food looked good, tasted good and I ate a whole plateful. It was very surprising, Then about an hour later Josh and Kirby came over for leftovers and after I had laid back down, I heard them singing Happy Birthday to Katie so I went out and as I stood up to go out, I felt better again (Just stand up). As I stood out there with them, I get feeling better and better till I could not believe how good I felt. I was even dancing a little and putting on a show. I don’t understand it, but am very happy about it. I think the Lord is blessing me beyond belief and I am so grateful for all of it, Even after I sat back in my chair in my room, I was not over-exhausted like I sometimes get when I think I am feeling better and do that kind of thing. It was another tiny miracle.

Julie has some welcome visitors

Sat. Nov 15th
Teresa and Tori came down for the weekend to play with Katie and Julie. It was very nice to have them here for the weekend and I think it really helped them get “rejuvenated”. I was not feeling too bad, but not real good either so I rested most of the day while they went to the deaf branch activity at the Museum and then went swimming. Nicole didn’t go swimming so she spent most of the afternoon with me here in my room and I watched football while she watched a movie. We went for a walk up the street too and she and I had a good talk.

Waiting for the bad times of chemo.....

Wed Nov 12th
I am waiting for the chemo after-effects to kick in but for the most part it has been a very good day.

Thur Nov 13th
Same thing today. No direct results from the chemo. A little tired but no nausea or other symptons.

Fri. Nov 14th
Well it finally hit a little bit last night. In fact it hit really hard. No throwing up or diarrhea but the nausea was a little bit off and on.

Chemo .....round 2

Tues Nov 11th
Woke up this morning around 4:30 and couldn’t sleep as I am quite anxious about the upcoming treatment. We have decided that this one won’t be as bad (everyone says they get better) but also I am not in the middle of radiation as well and I also am going into this one in much better condition and health. So all in all I am hoping for a little better experience, but I am still apprehensive. At least I know that if I need them I have angels on the other side waiting for me to request their assistance if needed.
Later: Went to the IV therapy in the afternoon. They had us originally scheduled for morning but for some reason changed us. Everything went smoothly once we finally got going but it was so late that we knew we wouldn’t get out of there till after 7:00 and we didn’t. They had to have a couple of people stay late with us so I think they will probably not do that again next time. It was a whole different experience this time because I was not nearly as sick, just finishing surgeries, in the middle of radiation etc. I was able to control the nausea and diarrhea the whole time so I only got up to stretch my legs and empty the foley bag once. They did tell us a little more this time about how we should be handling the bathroom stuff during the recovery period and to be honest we were a little bit surprised that 1) no one talked to us about it after the first one and 2) somehow Julie managed to do all the things she did for me without getting sick or affected by the care she gave me. It is even to the point where I am the only one that should be doing anything in the bathroom and really they recommend that if possible I have a bathroom all to myself. The reason is the chemo is still toxic when it comes out in the urine and stools. It can affect other people that come in any contact at all. Scary.

Clinical results looking good

Mon Nov 10th
We went to the doctor’s today and everything is looking very good and I am cleared to begin round 2 tomorrow. I had several people in the IV therapy and in Dr. Te’s office tell me I was looking much better than I had since I had come in. Very encouraging. They have a scale they use to determine how much the body is sending to fight the “tumors” (not sure what it all means) and they said that when they first checked it before round 1 it was 600 and something and today it was in the mid 300s. All of these things were very encouraging and have me very hopeful. I know that the Lord is blessing me and answering our prayers in my behalf. What a great day.

Thinking of Chemo round 2

Sun Nov 9th
Today was a little bit of a rougher day but I think it was just because of the concern I have for going back into a chemo week. The thought of the nausea and other symptoms when you are going through the recovery was very trying on my mind and may have affected my physical being as well. Even when Josh and Kirby came over for dinner, I was only able to go out and sit with them for a few minutes and had to come back in my room and rest. I couldn’t eat very much all day. I did start to feel better through the night however.

Home Teacher to the rescue

Sat Nov 8th
Jimmy Harris came over and said he was prompted to come and I was very glad to see him. He has been like a brother to me and we had a good chat. He went on a walk with me too up the street twice. He rode the little Honda Ruckus I gave him (Kenny Peterson’s old scooter) over and with his German helmet, he looks pretty funny on it. Julie went to work and to Justin’s play again and I really missed her a lot while she was gone.

Home Teacher to the rescue

Sat Nov 8th
Jimmy Harris came over and said he was prompted to come and I was very glad to see him. He has been like a brother to me and we had a good chat. He went on a walk with me too up the street twice. He rode the little Honda Ruckus I gave him (Kenny Peterson’s old scooter) over and with his German helmet, he looks pretty funny on it. Julie went to work and to Justin’s play again and I really missed her a lot while she was gone.

Storm in Rapid City

Fri. Nov 7th
Marc M. and James Duckett came and visited me this morning. It was good to see them for a few minutes. Justin did his play again and Julie and Katie went. He is loving it. Got a chance to talk to Kevin T. from work and go caught up on a lot of things at work. Sounds like things are going well and we were able to talk through some important things. Rapid City has been hit these past two days with a huge storm and they have lots of big drifts again. Glad I wasn’t there this time.

Car to Mike...

Thurs. Nov 6th
Cory and Doug came and got my car and took it to Mike this morning. Had a good visit. Cory brought my trumpet back and Justin has started to play on it now.

Adopted family in Rapid City (Andersons)

Wed. Nov 5th
Today was a pretty good day. I didn’t have any doctor’s appointments or have to go anywhere. I did feel pretty weak in the morning so while Julie went to work, I slept and rested and then took it easy the rest of the day. Called and talked to Jeanette (Anderson’s) tonight and filled them in on the latest of my health. Actually had several good days health wise. Eating better too.

New president for U.S.

Tues. Nov. 4th
The country elected a new President today and it was pretty dramatic. Senator Barrack Obama was elected and it will obviously have a significant impact on the country and the World with an African-American President. Funny though how those things don’t seem to mean anything to you when you are going through all this. I know it is significant, but it is hard to think that it is anything you should even worry about.
Health seemed to be fair but had some times where I wasn’t sure if I was going to get sick or not.

Chemo week - ......checking out for a while.......

----------------------------------

For the next week and a half, I did not keep track of all the events and actually have tried to forget many of them as this was the “10 – 15 day” downhill period of the first session of chemo and any chemo patient will tell you this is probably the most miserable thing they have gone through (or at least one of them). In general you are hit by several back to back periods of diarrhea and other episodes of throwing up and occasionally they hit together. You have very little (if any) appetite and whatever you do get in usually comes right back up shortly thereafter so when you throw up it is generally just “dry heaves” anyway. You have no strength to do anything and you just lay there wishing that it would all be over soon (literally sometimes). There were two distinct times that I can remember specifically where I was sure that I couldn’t do this and wanted to just quit and give up.
Julie was very strong and kept assuring me that she would be there all the way for me and would not let me quit. She was again a rock and at the same time the most compassionate nurse anyone could have asked for. Many times as I would be sitting in the chair next to the bed, just waiting for the next trip into the bathroom, I would feel a hand slip into mine on the bed next me and I would open my eyes to make sure that it was the hand of my wife as I actually thought it was angelic in nature only to realize that it was her hand but it was also angelic as well. She would just lay there and give me of her strength through her touch and I would know then that I could make it.
As the week went on and after a few more days I began to feel better and better so I knew that I was on the upward swing. I spent a lot of time switching between my bed and the (lazy boy) chair next to the bed that Bro. Jennings donated after the wedding to the cause. I watch T.V. and sometimes try and do computer stuff (like this diary) but mostly you just try and make it from one trip to the bathroom till the next.
The people in Rapid City (work) have been absolutely fantastic about supporting me. Especially these past few days. Kevin and Russ have been handling everything and trying hard not to bother me with anything that I don’t need to deal with so I can focus on getting better.

CHEMO begins - hang on tight ... here we go......

Mon. Oct 20th Well today was day 1 of actual chemo. Not sure what to expect but it was a little bit better because of the “port” I have in. I went to the IV therapy place and they got me all set up in a bed (they have lots of chairs, but only had one bed). I was actually pretty tired and I guess I still looked as if I had been in and out of the hospital several times in the past few weeks (oh wait I had). They treated me almost as if I was in the hospital again. I am actually starting to feel very comfortable in the hospital mentality and routine. I have gotten to know lots of RNs and CNAs and even quite a few of the doctors now. I know a lot of the terms, routines and tests they do (Julie is even better than me). Anyway, once I was in the bed, they set up the drip tubes and began to hook up all sorts of tubes and bags on the little drip tube “tree”. There is a really great nurse there named Rosalind and she was so fun. She has had breast cancer twice and has been doing this IV therapy /chemo treatments to patients (as a nurse) for many, many years. She has seen about everything and is pretty funny. She set it all up and took good care of me all day. I slept for most of the time and did my usual “sweating” and soaked the bed. Oh that is another thing that is interesting about me lately. When I sleep real good, I have started just having sweat pour out of my body, but it doesn’t seem to be good or bad it just happens. In the hospital, we changed my gowns a lot because of it.
That afternoon, I had another radiation treatment scheduled. The radiation treatment area was on the lower floor there at the old hospital (which is where the IV therapy was too) so they said I could just have Julie take me down for that in the middle of the chemo treatment. I was not sure about it, but trusted Julie to do what was best. We ended up being late and there was a backlog of people waiting at the time so it looked as if we would be there for a while. I knew how important it was to not miss the treatment so I thought I would try and tough it out. As I sat in the wheelchair with my oxygen tube in my nose and my “drip tube tree” beside me and displaying all the characteristics of a recent hospital candidate (3 times over) I figured that anyone else in that room had to be encouraged by comparing their own situation to mine, and they would recognize by looking at me that “it could be worse”.
As 10 to 15 minutes passed (seemed like hours) I found my leg bouncing fiercely again (reaction to pain and stress) and Julie kept looking over from her puzzle (they have a table with a puzzle for people waiting) and asking if I was ok. She knew better, but I told her I was (ok). I again began to pray to my Heavenly Father and told him I couldn’t do it again and needed help. Again I heard the spirit say to me “Just stand up”. Once again my feeble faith took over as I questioned the sense in this and I wondered just what spirit I was listening too. I did as it directed though and I began to walk around the little waiting area that had some open space and started to circle the space. As I did, I felt more energy come to me and as before I felt unseen support from the other side of the veil. After 4 circuits of the room I sat down again and was able to sit calmly and peacefully in the wheelchair for over an hour while I waited my turn. It was incredibly spiritual for me. I know there were angels on the other side of the veil holding me up through this trial as well.

Nicole talk in church (more angels)

Sun. Oct 19th Most of our extended family that had come down for the wedding left to go home Sunday morning. Nicole had been asked to give a talk in the Deaf branch today and so I was determined to go and hear her. Again angels were prayed for and received. As we were sitting in the chapel, I again began to feel tired and weak. As I prayed, I felt the spirit again say “Just stand up”. I did so after the sacrament and (like before) as I stood there in the back, I felt lifted and supported by unseen angels that carried me through until her talk was over. She gave a fantastic talk on the importance of families and I was so impressed. We then went home and I rested most of the day. Julie’s parents came over and asked if I thought they could help by staying and I said I really thought they could if they stayed one more day which turned out to be true. They were able to help Julie take care of several clean up issues from the wedding (returns and stuff left at the alumni house etc) that made it so Julie could concentrate on getting me through my first day of chemo.

Josh and Kirby's wedding

Sat Oct. 18th Josh’s Wedding: Today was one of the most spiritual days I have ever experienced. We had decided that my main goal was to be in the sealing room for the wedding. If I was not able to be at the rest of the activities, then that would be fine as long as I made it to the wedding itself. I felt it was my right, privilege, and responsibility to be sitting on that witness seat next to the sealer for my son and I was going to be there. I got ready as early as I could and we headed over to the temple. They had arranged a wheel chair for me when I got there. They took me in and got some white clothes for me and I went into a small room for handicap people and changed. It seemed to take a little energy from me, but I did ok for the most part and did it by myself (except for socks). I was pleased about that. Dad and others helped me get upstairs. Then we went and waited with the Bride and Groom and their parents in another room for about 15 minutes.

Josh and Kirby looked absolutely radiant and I kept thinking this was what we had worked so hard for. Josh, to be able to marry her (he had asked her dad 3 times before he finally said yes) and me to be there for it. But most important was that Josh had worked hard to be able to marry Kirby for all time and eternity in the temple. What a true blessing we can realize from that in our lives now thanks to the gospel. We then went up (the parents) to the room. In the St. George temple there is one sealing room just off of the Celestial Room so you have to get dressed in whites to be there. Everyone dressed in whites made it that much more special.

After everyone came in and sat down (the room was overflowing and some people even stood) they brought the couple in. I was able to be one of the Witnesses and there was nothing more important to me at time than that. As the sealer came in and began talking I was overcome by the spirit and began to cry a little (as did most of us in there). I could not comprehend how blessed I was to have the Lord answer our prayers the way he did. Josh and Kirby knelt at the alter and were married for all time and eternity. It was truly a dream come true for all of us.


After the wedding, I went home and rested. We decided to try and see how I would do at the breakfast. It was held at the Alumni house and Julie and her family (as well as Kirby’s folks) did a tremendous job and it was very nice.

After the breakfast we went home and I rested again for a while to see if I could make it at all to the reception. I wanted to be there so bad. I felt up to it so we loaded up and headed over. I had a wheel chair and walker and oxygen tank for my entourage. Nicole took me and Katie and Julie came minutes later with Teresa.

When we got there, I changed into the red tie Josh got for us and there was a huge “lazy boy” chair there for me. Julie had been asked by Bro. Jennings (our home teacher) what he could do and she suggested that if he could find a lazy boy chair and get it there for me, it would really help. It was huge and very comfortable in most cases, but it was almost too big for me there. We did the “wedding pictures” and I managed to do really well in all of them. Grandma and Grandpa Faerber were not there yet and so they didn’t get in the Grandparent’s shot, but it was ok. When they did get there we found out that Grandpa had gotten a ticket on the way there for speeding. Now that is a real oxy-moron, but it happened. When people started coming through, we took our places in the little line under the trees in the back. It was decorated absolutely perfect in my mind. The weather could not have been better either.

In the line it was Kirby’s parents first, then the happy couple, and then Julie and I. I was sitting in the chair for a while and starting to get worn out (even sitting) and not sure how long I would last. I started praying for some help and I felt the spirit tell me to “just stand up”. This seemed very strange to me, given my current situation but I decided to listen to the spirit. I had a little red “walker” (like Grandma Cook’s) that one of Julie’s new dear friends had loaned us and so I put it right next to Julie and stood by it. It also had a little seat area so I alternated between the seat and standing and soon I realized I felt better the longer I stood. Soon I was not even aware of how tired or hurting I was and I know that I had angels on the other side of the veil holding me up. I was able to stand (and alternate sitting on the walker) for the entire time (several hours). In fact I was able to even stay and watch them cut the cake and throw the bouquet and everything. Finally sweet Nicole took me home and I could not have been happier at that moment. The Lord had heard and answered prayers in a very direct way. It was a most perfect evening.

The decorations were absolutely perfect. The bride was beautiful and the groom was beaming and very handsome. Lots of people came and it was so good to see everyone. Lots of our family were able to make it down and it was absolutely perfect in every way (in my opinion). Some of them came over briefly to say hi, but it was hard for me to see them.

Julie told her parents about the blessing from President Jensen and the angels on both sides of the veil. She asked them to keep an eye out for the poster and they ran right down to Deseret Book and brought a copy back all wrapped up for her and it almost made us cry (well I think Julie did cry). We now have that prominently displayed on the fireplace and it gives us hope every day as we talk about the angels here and there. Especially from the wedding as I realized that coming from the hospital (almost not able to leave) two days before and going through all I went through, that whether I felt them physically or not, I had angels on either side of me holding me up at the reception that night and I needed to “just stand up” so they could do their job and assist me as I requested. There was no other way that I could have possibly made it.