Late night thinking

Tonight is a night for re-appreciation. It is sometimes hard to think past the now and appreciate the past in order to make the future the best that it can be (wow...... deep eh?). I have been sitting here for a while (working on computer things while I contemplate) thinking about the blessings in my life. While this has been a little bit of a rough week, I can't let it go on without remembering some basic truths.
1) I am still here with my family.
2) I know that whatever happens is being guided by a higher power that loves me more than I can ever comprehend.
3) I have the most dedicated and loving wife who has stood by me through very difficult times and has promised to be with me forever.
4) I know that even though I have made many mistakes in my life, I have a strong knowledge that I can still have them wiped clean and be able to live with my Father in Heaven again

This Christmas week was not what I thought it would be at all. You always hope that everything is happiness and good times at Christmas and while I knew that that was somewhat unlikely, I was not prepared for the total exhaustion that this round of chemo hit me with. It made it seem like the most "un"-Christmas time I could have imagined. But then a couple of things happened that made me start to re-evaluate the week. I watched my sweet wife experience happiness today, at a higher level than she has been able to for a while. Her best friend (Teresa) and her husband came down again and made everything all better. Then her mom and dad came down from Salt Lake too and we had dinner. I listened to her playing games out in the kitchen (like we used to do every Sunday night) and laugh for hours like there was no worries in her life for a while. No sickly cancer patient husband, no toxic laden (chemo residual) messes to clean up, no special laundry trips for the blankets, no special medicines to get ordered, no bottles to drain the fluid from the lungs, no changing the bandages on all the surgeries, no oxygen tanks to order, no trips back to the hospital for emergencies..... I could go on, but I realized again what an angel the Lord has blessed me with and how un-grateful and selfish I can be.

Please Lord forgive me for my selfishness. Please give her more happiness than she deserves.....

Please help me to be more appreciative of others.

REWIND:

Josh H. brought over the present on Christmas Eve that I mentioned before. It is a beautiful painting that has a very special meaning behind it, but more importantly it is special because of who it comes from. Megan you have become quite an inspiration to me and I want everyone to know that you are. I have only met you formally a couple of times (Josh keeps me informed of how wonderful you are too) but I want to thank you for your gifts and your inspiration. I have the painting hanging on the wall right next to my chair and I look at it all the time. The image of the little girl and the handcart to me probably means something different than others, but I see you in her as well. I see someone who is ready to take on the challenge she has been given, no matter how daunting it may seem. But she is not afraid. She knows she has angels to help her and I also know that too. This may not have been all that your Dad put in the painting, but it is what I have come to see in it and it gives me daily strength. Thank you again for my gift.

Well I am going to try and get back after the positive side of all this in the morning, but while I had so much going on in my mind, I wanted to put it out there.

*******************

Oh ya and Brittany ( my oldest daughter) came down with Grandma and Grandpa and how I have missed her too. It reminds me of the "Night Before Christmas" story as my three girls are all snuggled in Katie's bed with visions of .... something, dancing in their heads. They are all a joy to me. I truly love my family. Hugs and kisses for her. Yippee.