Breaking the news to the kids

Sat. Sept 27 Today was really hard for us all. Grandpa and Grandma Faerber were able to bring both of the girls and Clint down for our “family meeting”. They were to arrive at around noon. We decided to go to Chuck-a-Rama first for some lunch and so we met everyone, including Josh and Kirby, there. It was good and gave us a chance to spend a little more quality time together before we upset everyone’s whole world. Then we went home and all gathered in the living room. I followed Dr. Rawson’s example and just came right out and told them. I said that they knew I had been sick for a while and we now knew what it was. I had cancer, and it was not a good kind. Julie gave them more details, and I tried to share my feelings as well. The important part was that I felt at peace. Though this was hard to understand, I had been able to accept it as the Lord’s will. I assured them that I was planning on fighting this and beating it if at all possible, but that now I had realized that Heavenly Father knew the bigger picture. He would guide us if we would turn our lives to him, and I felt I had done that. So, if it was my time to go home to Heavenly Father and He took me now, then He knew what He was doing and I would accept his will. I truly felt peaceful about that, and tried to encourage all of the kids to feel the same way. I also assured them that we were praying real hard to make sure that I was at least able to be here for Josh’s wedding, and that was our most important “short-term” goal. Then we called Grandpa and Grandma Cook and told them it was now ok to tell all my siblings. We had asked them not to say anything till after we had told the kids.

Fly home to St. George

Fri. Sept 26. I packed everything up in my car and talked to J Anderson about arranging to have someone drive it down to St. George and he said he would get that. Then I packed up my biggest suitcases with everything I would need (didn’t think there would be that much I would need). Said goodbye to everyone and had J drive me to the airport in the afternoon. The flight to Vegas was rough and the seat was extremely uncomfortable and hurt when I got off the plane. I determined that it was because a lot of the weight that I lost came off my backside and I had no padding like I used to. In fact Julie’s actual statement was “You have no butt!”. When I got to Vegas, Teresa had come down to help Julie the minute she called. It was a good thing because I don’t think Julie could have handled it without her. She has been good friends with Julie, and has rescued her on more than one occasion. So both of them were there in Vegas to get me. It was so good to drive up to my house and realize that I was home. All of a sudden I realized that I had been a little upset and frustrated with the Lord because we hadn't sold our house. We had said things like “Lord, we are doing what you wanted us to do, so why aren’t we receiving the blessings like we think we should? “ We couldn’t understand why, if we obeyed the spirit and I went to South Dakota, we had to live separated for almost a year and saw no activity on our house whatsoever. Now we knew. I felt bad because I had not trusted that the Lord knew a better way and he saw the bigger picture. We didn’t sell our house because I needed to come “home” to get better and St. George (and this house) was my home. He knew it and protected us from our own short sighted desires.

Getting ready to go "home"

Thurs. Sept 25. I got the numbers for the cancer center in St. George to Doctor Rawson and then got a flight on Allegiant scheduled for Fri. night. We called Julie’s parents and asked if they could bring the girls down to St. George on Saturday and we wanted to tell them all together. They said they would help us out. Then I wrapped everything up at work and got ready to go home (Anderson’s) and pack my stuff up. Just before I left, Kevin (my boss) came in and we talked for a few minutes. He assured me that they would do whatever it took and anything I needed, all I had to do was ask. Then he asked if he could pray with me. I have never had a boss or employee do that and it was really spiritual. I had lots of people there tell me that they would be praying for me and I think I am on every prayer list in South Dakota. I went home and started to get my stuff packed.

Ok.. It's for real.... Cancer

Wed. Sept. 24th The doctor (Rawson) called and asked me to come up and visit in the afternoon. I had told Kevin (my boss at work) that if it was cancer that I would probably be going back to Salt Lake for treatment at the Huntsman Cancer Institute. When I got to the doctor’s we got Julie on the speaker phone of my cell phone and he wasted no time beating around the bush. He came right out and said I had adeno-carcinoma which is a form of lung cancer but it had spread to other areas of my body. I could tell this really hit Julie hard. Because I had realized it two days before, I had actually come to accept it and it didn’t hit me as hard as her. The only treatment for me was chemo because it was too far spread. This hit us pretty hard, but I tried to keep a level head and ask pertinent questions. Since it was only Chemo for an option, he said I could get the treatment in Salt Lake or there in Rapid City (they have a fairly good treatment facility) or even in St. George. I realized at that point that I would prefer St. George with my family for sure. I said I would get the numbers for the facility in St. George and the doctor said when I got them to him, he would have his secretary set up an appointment for me next week. We then asked about time frames and he said he was not an oncologist, but it was not real good odds for me. He said this type of cancer they don’t refer to as curable, they just try and extend and improve the quality of life I have. This was pretty hard. So I went back to work and told Kevin I was headed home.
Started making some pretty tough phone calls to Holly and my Mom and Dad. This was not what anyone expected or wanted to hear for sure. But as we worked through it I started to realize a few things. First, I had been faithful in following the Lord’s will in moving myself to Rapid (although we weren’t always as happy as we should have been about it) and second, I had been trying real hard to live the best that I could. So, I felt a great peace that if this was what the Lord had in store for me, I was going to accept his will and try and make his will be mine and as the Savior said, Not mine, but his will be done. This was incredibly comforting and helped me a lot.

Drain Fluid - yuk

Tues. Sept. 23 I went back to the hospital in the afternoon to have the fluid drained from the lung area and it was amazing to be able to breathe again. I told everyone it is like when you are kids and your big brother sits on your chest and you think you are going to die but then they get off and you can breathe again. It was amazing the difference. They actually drained almost a full liter of fluid out at that time and told me that they probably would be doing it again if I was like most patients. Then I went and had the X-rays and they did about 30 of them from head to toe. I went home and waited for the next day’s call. I did tell Julie about the possible cancer conversation and that we would know for sure the next day I hoped.

Follow-up

Sunday (hurting too bad to go to church)

Monday: I went in the afternoon for the CT Scan and it was pretty un-eventful. Dr. Rawson called me that night at 5:30. Just hours after I had the scan and told me he was changing the plan. He told me that they had found “lesions” on my spine, my pelvis, and my lungs and he wanted to do a bunch more x-rays the next day instead of the Bronchoscope. He asked me if I was ok on the breathing because the fluid build-up was even worse than when he noticed it on Friday’s x-rays and asked if I thought I might need to go to the hospital. I told him that I thought I would be ok until tomorrow. Before he hung up, he said “Mr. Cook, I have to tell you, I am concerned about cancer.” I know that doctor’s don’t toss this one out lightly. Unless they are 98% sure, they don’t like to scare you with it so I had a pretty good idea that it would be cancer. Everyone tried to convince me otherwise, but I think it was at this point that I knew. At this point I decided that for this one night I would not say anything to Julie about that because she was worried enough as it was and there was nothing she could do about it until we knew for sure.