Sorry it has been a while

I apologize for the delay. I have been getting out a lot and doing some things that are good for I think, but they really wear me out. I also am having a real hard struggle emotionally. I talked to Josh Haycock about it a little and he said it is normal. Well since I have never been considered normal in my life, I was hoping to bypass that. But no....I get a full on dose of depression, emotional breakdowns, and even one or two "Why me's" have escaped my lips. So since everyone wants to see me be mr. positive on m blog and I haven't been really positive at all, I have had a hard time writing anything. I have even lost my apetite which is terrible because I had a great appetite a while ago. But now my stomach is in constant turmoil and I have even lost two more pounds according to them doctors office last week.

So I will try and pull myself out of it and do better. Don't give up on me. I am scheduled to have the drain in my chest taken out still on Monday (it quit working 3 weeks ago) and if all goes well then another round of chemo on Tues. Fun times for all....... Hang on......

Another word from our sponsor.....

Oh wait I don't have a sponsor yet.......anyone want to be my sponsor. I don't know what for but I am sure we could come up with something. So here is the latest for today. I am scheduled to have my drain removed next Monday after the tests in the morning. The morning tests are to determine if I am still good for chemo on Tues. We postponed the chemo for a week and I am finding reasons everyday why it was a good thing. I was thinking about the reasons I believe I have been given a second chance here on earth. I have been saying since last year that one major reason for the second chance was to build better relationships with my family and to be able to attend their plays and concerts and to be able to see how gifted my kids are (and then brag about it on my blog). So since I believe that wholeheartedly, it happened again several times this week and if I had had chemo, I would not have been able to go to these performances.

Josh had a choir concert and when we got there (a little late) we ended up on the very front row and when Josh stepped forward for one of the songs we got to hear him sing a grat solo, and see him right in front of us. It was awesome but even though we took the camera, we were so enthralled with his performance, we forgot to get some pictures. He did a great job and I made it to the very end. Then on Tues he had another concert. This one was for the percussion and jazz band. I decided no matter how tired I was I would be there. Thanks to my fentinel sticks and hydrocodone I went and thoroughly enjoyed every song. I found out Josh did something new this semester that I didn't know he tried. Kirby talked him into taking the percussion class and even though he had never plyed it before, I watched him play the marimba in this concert. He looked like he was having a great time and he said later he was. It was totally awesome. Plus I was able to stay again to the very end.

Then, just about 10 minutes ago Justin brought me a paper telling us he had a couple of concerts tomorrow night. I am so glad that I am able to go and now I think I may know another possible reason for me not feeling ready for chemo. I would have missed some pretty important concerts for me to have missed. So if it was something else,then that is ok too, but it has given me a chance to make good on my committment and I am really trying hard to take advantage of my second chance. So with my medication and the Lord's support I will be there.

My wife is correct

Julie has been telling me all week that it is my life and I am in charge because I was not feeling good about going in for chemo already. We went in for the blood tests and all systems were go from the tests, but I talked to my doctor about my concerns and after discussing everything we postponed it one week. Then we went to radiology and checked on the drain. In that discussion we decided that the drain is not going to do any more good so we are going to take it out (possibly in the next day or two (which we wouldn't be able to do if I had had chemo). I hope it works out so we can get it done. I also hope I am feeling better next week because I do want to get this chemo done as it is the last one before another PT scan which will tell us how well the chemo is working. Anyway I am still tired (really tired) but I hope I can get better by next week. In fact I am too tired to write any more, but I will try and keep you updated as the week develops. Thanks again for the prayers.