Saturday, February 7, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Grandma Cook
I mentioned my Grandma the other day in one of my posts. I wanted to say hi to her again and tell you a little bit about her. Grandma is 95 years young. She was always fun to visit because we knew where she kept the fig newtons hidden in the drawer in the kitchen. She always likes to brag about her posterity so I collected it so I could brag for her. Here is the latest count.
Children- 6
Grandchildren - 28 (I fit in here)
Great GrandCh- 94
Gr. Gr. Grandch - 23
For a total of ...... 151 immediate posterity.
She is awesome and a great inspiration to me. Thanks grandma.
(By the way to my relatives, she has Aunt Margie read the blog to her so say hi if you want.)
Children- 6
Grandchildren - 28 (I fit in here)
Great GrandCh- 94
Gr. Gr. Grandch - 23
For a total of ...... 151 immediate posterity.
She is awesome and a great inspiration to me. Thanks grandma.
(By the way to my relatives, she has Aunt Margie read the blog to her so say hi if you want.)
Voiceupdate
As suspected, we need to do a follow-up injection for my throat. It worked really good for a week and then started backwards a little. The doctor was not too concerned, and we just scheduled the next one for the 25th (so far, but we will see how that goes). I barely made it through the appointment today but I am doing better than yesterday and a whole lot better than the day before. It has been pretty rough and I am grateful again for the pain meds I have. They are about the only thing that gets me through it. That a lot of prayers. So thanks to everyone again.
next update in .........well whenever something happens.....
next update in .........well whenever something happens.....
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
4 AM Philosophy
RANDOMNESS
Well here we are again at 4:00 like usual. Random thoughts this morning. I wanted to take a minute to thank my other brothers and sisters that have been trying to deal with my cancer in their own ways and I want them to know that I appreciate their efforts and their prayers. We were all taught by our mother and father that prayers work, and I know they do. In my case, I think a lot of us (myself included) were praying for things that were not in God's plan for me. So I am trying to bring his will into my life and make it mine. But anyway, back to my family..... My older brother Keldon who for years has tried to convince me that California (well San Jose) where he lives is the best place to live. I am sure it is for you, but for me right now (picture me in ruby red slippers clicking the heels 3 times) "there's no place like home.... there's no place like home". And that would be St. George today. Home used to be Murray, but mom's dolls chased us all out......lol. My older Sister Holly has her hands full in Cleveland Ohio but their Mission Presidency will be over in.......oops don't get trunky. My younger sister Wendy and I have some drugs in common right now too.... she gets to take coumadin as well. She has her hands full with little Tyler for sure, but he will grow up to be a great kid like his brother Chris. Then Dan.... my little bother as I call him (but it is definitely in jest - DORK). We used to golf a lot together and hope to again someday. He even learned that when you throw your clubs, you throw it down the fairway towards the green so you don't hold everyone up retrieving it. And then Judy. What can we say about her. She doesn't do anything half way. It is amazing what she gets done. She lives right behind David Archeleta (and Judy's house is for sale... don't tell anyone though it is a secret....lol.. it really is not a secret, but it is for sale). Well I hope I didn't say anything bad (I usually screw it up when I am trying to tell people thanks and how great they are. And they are great. Everyone of us are still getting along great. We try to talk with each other every so often (I gotta figure out how to catch Kelly on facebook, but we can't ever seem to be on together. Maybe we will have to schedule it......ahhhh ....nooooooo... be organized????? Not me. So thanks to the Cook kids at least my 5 siblings that are just great and I am so glad I could be in this family. I hope I haven't made things too difficult for you, but I am learning so much, that it actually has moments where I am grateful for this time. I know that sounds weird, but it happens from time to time. I am not happy about what is happening to my body, but to my mind and spirit I am growing a lot. Oh .... that reminds me (my mind), in case I didn't report on it (can't always remember) the MRI showed that the cancer spots on my brain are no worse either so they aren't concentrating on them right now. That is just fine with me.... I got a lot of other places we can focus on. So they tell me.....
I also wanted to say hey to my Grandma Cook who is enjoying some time back east with my uncle Maurice. I am glad they are taking good care of her. I do miss seeing her every so often at reunions and such. In fact her huge reunion she put together at the Homestead a few years ago was a highlight of my life and I will always cherish the memories of the whole thing. Thanks Grandma.
My family is great and I love them all but I better move on......
More later....
Well here we are again at 4:00 like usual. Random thoughts this morning. I wanted to take a minute to thank my other brothers and sisters that have been trying to deal with my cancer in their own ways and I want them to know that I appreciate their efforts and their prayers. We were all taught by our mother and father that prayers work, and I know they do. In my case, I think a lot of us (myself included) were praying for things that were not in God's plan for me. So I am trying to bring his will into my life and make it mine. But anyway, back to my family..... My older brother Keldon who for years has tried to convince me that California (well San Jose) where he lives is the best place to live. I am sure it is for you, but for me right now (picture me in ruby red slippers clicking the heels 3 times) "there's no place like home.... there's no place like home". And that would be St. George today. Home used to be Murray, but mom's dolls chased us all out......lol. My older Sister Holly has her hands full in Cleveland Ohio but their Mission Presidency will be over in.......oops don't get trunky. My younger sister Wendy and I have some drugs in common right now too.... she gets to take coumadin as well. She has her hands full with little Tyler for sure, but he will grow up to be a great kid like his brother Chris. Then Dan.... my little bother as I call him (but it is definitely in jest - DORK). We used to golf a lot together and hope to again someday. He even learned that when you throw your clubs, you throw it down the fairway towards the green so you don't hold everyone up retrieving it. And then Judy. What can we say about her. She doesn't do anything half way. It is amazing what she gets done. She lives right behind David Archeleta (and Judy's house is for sale... don't tell anyone though it is a secret....lol.. it really is not a secret, but it is for sale). Well I hope I didn't say anything bad (I usually screw it up when I am trying to tell people thanks and how great they are. And they are great. Everyone of us are still getting along great. We try to talk with each other every so often (I gotta figure out how to catch Kelly on facebook, but we can't ever seem to be on together. Maybe we will have to schedule it......ahhhh ....nooooooo... be organized????? Not me. So thanks to the Cook kids at least my 5 siblings that are just great and I am so glad I could be in this family. I hope I haven't made things too difficult for you, but I am learning so much, that it actually has moments where I am grateful for this time. I know that sounds weird, but it happens from time to time. I am not happy about what is happening to my body, but to my mind and spirit I am growing a lot. Oh .... that reminds me (my mind), in case I didn't report on it (can't always remember) the MRI showed that the cancer spots on my brain are no worse either so they aren't concentrating on them right now. That is just fine with me.... I got a lot of other places we can focus on. So they tell me.....
I also wanted to say hey to my Grandma Cook who is enjoying some time back east with my uncle Maurice. I am glad they are taking good care of her. I do miss seeing her every so often at reunions and such. In fact her huge reunion she put together at the Homestead a few years ago was a highlight of my life and I will always cherish the memories of the whole thing. Thanks Grandma.
My family is great and I love them all but I better move on......
More later....
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Longer update with more detail
When I went to the doctor yesterday we had no idea what to expect with respect to my drain. My drain is simply a plastic tube that they pushed inside the lung cavity area and one end sits inside between the lung area and my chest (this is where the fluid is collecting). I thought there was some sort of filtering device on that end, but we learned last night that the tube just has a lot of holes in it at that end... nothing special. Then if you follow the tube out of the side of my body it has a little receptor hole at the end of the tube out here that you have to put a special connector in to drain the fluid. It is fairly new technology, but I (we) have been so glad to have it. So even with all this new (to me) info, the doctors were unable to determine why mine stopped working. I got into Radiology outpatient / staging area about 2:00 or 2:30 pm and we waited for a long time since they were squeezing us in. I was happy to wait. They finally came in and surrounded my bed and tried to clean the tube, inject saline, and whatever they could do to get it working again. No joy. So at this point (5:30 pm) they decide to take me back to a room where they do a little more involved surgeries. I vaguely remember this room from last October and then I (correctly) remember some recovery pain associated with it as well. The radiology people really know all about this drain and after they got me in the other room vand the doctor that did the original surgery (Dr. Olsen) came in they started pumping some medication into me that was supposed to help me feel better but I believe it was also to make me forget about what was about to happen to me in the next hour. I actually do remember crying out in pain several times throughout the procedure but I don't think Dr. Olsen was too concerned at the time. He never could determine what caused it to stop working so the only option left was to replace it. This they did and sent me back to my room. They observed me for a few more hours and then sent me home. I was happy to get home but later that night (or the next morning however you want to look at it) I was even more grateful for strong pain medication. I haven't had pain like this for a while but more grateful than ever for successful chemo.
It also brings back my respect and admiration for dear Megan and everything she is going through. My prayers are with you again friend. And to your great husband Josh H. my thanks for everything you are doing for her so she can be an inspiration to us all.
So how am I today? Bad enough that I couldn't go to my doctor's apt for proper authorization for chemo tomorrow. No go on chemo. (hey I like that one). There is a cheer for you Judy.....No go on chee mo.... , no go ... on che moo....lol.
Chemo is now rescheduled (again) for next tues. and I just hope that we can get it all under control by then. In the meantime I am sitting in my chair again remembering all the good visits I had and hoping it won't be long before we have more.
So now you know...... and knowing is half the battle (old timers join in ......GI JOE). Those who are old enough
It also brings back my respect and admiration for dear Megan and everything she is going through. My prayers are with you again friend. And to your great husband Josh H. my thanks for everything you are doing for her so she can be an inspiration to us all.
So how am I today? Bad enough that I couldn't go to my doctor's apt for proper authorization for chemo tomorrow. No go on chemo. (hey I like that one). There is a cheer for you Judy.....No go on chee mo.... , no go ... on che moo....lol.
Chemo is now rescheduled (again) for next tues. and I just hope that we can get it all under control by then. In the meantime I am sitting in my chair again remembering all the good visits I had and hoping it won't be long before we have more.
So now you know...... and knowing is half the battle (old timers join in ......GI JOE). Those who are old enough
I will try and update...good news bad news again...lol
HERE IS THE UPDATE:
The bad news was that drain was unable to be fixed so they had to replace it.
The good news was that the radiology dept at the hospital (who were the ones that put it in) could squeeze me in at the end of the day for surgery.
The bad news was that they also squeezed in few more before me too,
The good news was that we only missed one apt
The bad news was that it was a follow up with Dr. Richards on the radiation.
The good news was that they finally got me into the room in radiology where they did the surgery and they were not going to put me under.
The bad news was ....... they were not going to put me under....lol
The good news was that the local anesthetics they gave me made me forget a lot anyway
The bad news was that it did not make me forget that the doctor was not gentle with me (I remember well the pain, but somehow didn't care at the time (enough drugs can do that I guess).
The good news was that I got to go home after about 3 hours or so of monitoring.
The bad news was as soon as I got home I could tell the medication was wearing off and quickly remembered exactly where the doctor was "not gentle".
The good news is that I have lots of drugs to help mitigate the pain.
The bad news is.... I had to use a lot of it at 3:00 in the morning.
The good news is, it worked so far.
Now the question is "Am I still going to be ready for chemo on Wed (I guess that is tomorrow). More tests today will tell us the answer to that one. Also, after a good discussion with the doctors and nurses at Radiology, we understand a whole lot more about this particular drain system and feel really good about the decision to use it. Also when they did drain the fluid that had built up in my lung cavity area, it ended up being about half of the amount that we anticipated. That is good too.
I will discuss more later about the drain tube, but I know a lot of people were wondering about the surgery so I tried to get it out there as quick as I could and now I need to try and let the drugs work and help me sleep (if I can).
Have a great "5 magic moment" day.
The bad news was that drain was unable to be fixed so they had to replace it.
The good news was that the radiology dept at the hospital (who were the ones that put it in) could squeeze me in at the end of the day for surgery.
The bad news was that they also squeezed in few more before me too,
The good news was that we only missed one apt
The bad news was that it was a follow up with Dr. Richards on the radiation.
The good news was that they finally got me into the room in radiology where they did the surgery and they were not going to put me under.
The bad news was ....... they were not going to put me under....lol
The good news was that the local anesthetics they gave me made me forget a lot anyway
The bad news was that it did not make me forget that the doctor was not gentle with me (I remember well the pain, but somehow didn't care at the time (enough drugs can do that I guess).
The good news was that I got to go home after about 3 hours or so of monitoring.
The bad news was as soon as I got home I could tell the medication was wearing off and quickly remembered exactly where the doctor was "not gentle".
The good news is that I have lots of drugs to help mitigate the pain.
The bad news is.... I had to use a lot of it at 3:00 in the morning.
The good news is, it worked so far.
Now the question is "Am I still going to be ready for chemo on Wed (I guess that is tomorrow). More tests today will tell us the answer to that one. Also, after a good discussion with the doctors and nurses at Radiology, we understand a whole lot more about this particular drain system and feel really good about the decision to use it. Also when they did drain the fluid that had built up in my lung cavity area, it ended up being about half of the amount that we anticipated. That is good too.
I will discuss more later about the drain tube, but I know a lot of people were wondering about the surgery so I tried to get it out there as quick as I could and now I need to try and let the drugs work and help me sleep (if I can).
Have a great "5 magic moment" day.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Sunday morning thoughts
Emotional RollerCoaster:
Well this past two weeks has been a truly wild ride emotionally. Like a regular roller coaster. Typically I like roller coasters but not when you are describing my emotional experiences. It is very, very hard. And when everyone tells you that they are so impressed, that you are being positive through all this, you feel even more pressure to remain positive. Well for those of you that were expecting more out of me, I let you down this past week. I will admit to you publicly, that I had several emotional breakdowns and actually cried a lot. Some came from various experiences and other times it was just more than I could handle. But....... through it all I had several faith confirming experiences (and a couple of angels) that helped me through it. In looking back at each of them, one thing came through over and over to me and helped me more than anything else. I have a testimony of the gospel and know that I will be able to live forever with my wife and family if I remain faithful.
Most of my emotional breakdowns came in the middle of the night and I knew that all I had to do (and a couple of times I did) was go into the bedroom and wake my wonderful angel wife up and she would make everything all better (as much as she can). It was very comforting to know and to use this truth when I really needed her. Three nights ago (my 4:00 in the morning / can't sleep episode) was punctuated with a can't breathe and lots of pain in my chest and I immediately fell into a reality possibility mode and sort of lost it again. I climbed back into the bed (wishing I could snuggle some day again, but until the tubes are gone have to sleep only on my back) and started crying hard enough to wake up my wife. She held my hand through it and promised she would always be there for me until I settled down. This took about a half hour. I used to care if people knew I had these emotional breakdowns, but now I think it is important that those of you that are so impressed with my positive attitude, know that there is the other side I don't talk about a lot (but am not ashamed of now like I used to be). I have them like everyone else. They are more a part of my life now more than ever. I didn't use to let them out much. I don't know for sure that it "helps" me any to let them out, but I know now that they are necessary and it is ok. I think it helps me somewhat I believe so I can "live with it".
So those are my thoughts for today.
I hope you all have a great Sunday and then an even better week.
A lot of you are doing the 5 moment thing and that is awesome. It seems to help others as much as it did me. Thanks Sharon for the tips on "magic moments".
Well this past two weeks has been a truly wild ride emotionally. Like a regular roller coaster. Typically I like roller coasters but not when you are describing my emotional experiences. It is very, very hard. And when everyone tells you that they are so impressed, that you are being positive through all this, you feel even more pressure to remain positive. Well for those of you that were expecting more out of me, I let you down this past week. I will admit to you publicly, that I had several emotional breakdowns and actually cried a lot. Some came from various experiences and other times it was just more than I could handle. But....... through it all I had several faith confirming experiences (and a couple of angels) that helped me through it. In looking back at each of them, one thing came through over and over to me and helped me more than anything else. I have a testimony of the gospel and know that I will be able to live forever with my wife and family if I remain faithful.
Most of my emotional breakdowns came in the middle of the night and I knew that all I had to do (and a couple of times I did) was go into the bedroom and wake my wonderful angel wife up and she would make everything all better (as much as she can). It was very comforting to know and to use this truth when I really needed her. Three nights ago (my 4:00 in the morning / can't sleep episode) was punctuated with a can't breathe and lots of pain in my chest and I immediately fell into a reality possibility mode and sort of lost it again. I climbed back into the bed (wishing I could snuggle some day again, but until the tubes are gone have to sleep only on my back) and started crying hard enough to wake up my wife. She held my hand through it and promised she would always be there for me until I settled down. This took about a half hour. I used to care if people knew I had these emotional breakdowns, but now I think it is important that those of you that are so impressed with my positive attitude, know that there is the other side I don't talk about a lot (but am not ashamed of now like I used to be). I have them like everyone else. They are more a part of my life now more than ever. I didn't use to let them out much. I don't know for sure that it "helps" me any to let them out, but I know now that they are necessary and it is ok. I think it helps me somewhat I believe so I can "live with it".
So those are my thoughts for today.
I hope you all have a great Sunday and then an even better week.
A lot of you are doing the 5 moment thing and that is awesome. It seems to help others as much as it did me. Thanks Sharon for the tips on "magic moments".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
