Nicole is amazing and Dad gets to brag

My Daughter Nicole:

I am sure it will embarrass her a lot, but as a proud father of a very talented daughter it is my right (and responsibility) to do whatever I can in both of those areas. (Now that she is 21, as we found out earlier... she knows how to party....lol) As some of you might know my Nicole (going to school at UVU and did an internship in Washington D.C. last year) is a Sign Language Interpreter. There are 2 levels of Certification for the State of Utah and it basically dictates some of the places and events you can be asked to interpret for. It also affects how much you can charge for your services.

Last year (actually almost a year and a half ago) she passed her level 1 certification while she was still in the middle of her 2 year training program at SLCC. Very few people ever do this. Now, as she is signing up for the classes at UVU this semester to help her prepare for the Level 2 certification, she decides to take the test for it now. This is common practice because most people take the five part test and pass a couple of the parts and then go back, study up on their weak areas and take those again. I don't know everyone, but all the interpreter people that I have ever talked to say they have never heard of anyone passing the Level 2 certification test on the first try (all 5 parts). Nicole didn't even know it was possible, but she did it. All five parts on her first try.



Way to go Nicole..... She deserves a big hi-five and super shout out. I apologize ahead of time for embarrassing her (she will not be happy with me for a few weeks now and make me promise to never do this again) but I deserve a little bragging rights don't I?????? After all she should be happy that I have a chance to congratulate her in this life right.... (cancer card). That is a little inside joke with my family.

Lots of updates....

I am going to split up the updates. I have a little bit of everything. More problems with my health, bragging rights for my Nicole, and lots of feelings of hope and despair all in a couple of days. So hang on if you like this. I think I will separate them so you can choose to to read them or not based on what you read my blog for.

Health first:

This one will be about my health. Just when things were doing okay and I had a few good weeks too..... bummer. I decided that I was really glad I had all the visitor's when I did because it is going to be a while I think before I am going to be in the visitors mode due to some new developments and schedule changes. First the chemo keeps getting postponed (we are into several weeks delay already and now Monday may be a delay again). It all depends on what Dr. Te wants to do about my drain. We ended up in the E.R. again tonight because my drain wasn't working any more and we called the Dr. on call and he told us to go to the hospital and have it cleaned out. As most of you know (if you followed the early blog) I have a drain tube coming from the lung cavity area on the left side of my chest. We drain the fluid that has been being generated by the cancer into some pressurized bottles and it saves us from having to go to the hospital every couple of days to have it drained. It has been a tremendous blessing to have it as an option and now we are finding out it is really new technology. No one at the ER has any experience with it and they don't stock any parts or anything for it (that the ER people could get their hands on tonight. The doctor (she really tried hard) said as she learned more and more about it, said she was actually amazed that it had worked this well this long...... great news. But it stopped working properly last night. We tried it again this morning and same results. Thus the doctor told us to go to E.R. again. I guess since I really enjoy going to that place so much, I delayed it as long as possible.

We finally went over and signed in at about 4:00 pm. It was the first time that we went into the ER and they didn't rush me right into a room because I looked so bad walking in the door. To sum it up, after much effort on the nurses (and doctors) part they were not able to make the tube that is in my chest work and get cleaned off. We assume that it has gathered a lot of protein "stuff" around the tube inside and has blocked it off. We can get stuff in through the tube but something blocks it from coming out. Weird eh? As we all learned a little more about this tube and drain bottle system we also found out that the company did everything to make sure you had to get all the parts and pieces from them. Apparently it is so new that most of the doctors and nurses there have never seen it or dealt with it, and they don't have all the things they need in the E.R. to deal with problems like we bring them. So now I have wait till Monday for Dr. Te to schedule another operation to replace the tube. Which will probably mean that Chemo could be moved back again (It currently is scheduled for Wed.) Also the surgery on my throat is for sure going to need an update (or follow up tweak). It is almost gone again (my voice) but I am pretty sure it can be fixed better with a little more stuff. Man this week has really taken some interesting twists and turns. (Note: Total time in E.R. to find out I get to come back on Monday?? Only 6 total hours tonight)

Well that is the medical update....... Next I will do the kids update. (Some of you might not want to read on so please do if so only if you choose.

Oh, one funny side note I have to add about my best friend Tim Park.... I told my wife that after the comments I made on the blog about him, the first thing he would say when he say me next (but maybe not in this order) "ARV...." (that is my nickname from him) ..."YOU PICKER"...... and then he would say "I'M GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT". And just to let you know that our friendship is still secure, those were the exact words he used when he stopped back on his way home from Vegas. I told my wife that was what he would say and she laughed so hard she had to stop doing whatever it was she was doing. Tim (or Roy which is our nickname for him) is so predictable..... I mean consistent....ya consistent.....lol. Those of you that know Tim at all, are probably laughing pretty good and nodding your head and saying.... yep...... that's Tim. And now he is really going to "kick my butt"

Thoughts on the day

Since I have been "sidelined" for a week with an infection, I was forced to think about "things" again. It is hard to be positive all the time and certain events make you realize that reality must be addressed eventually. It is just the opposite of a newly wed and honeymoon. People always joke about it and say when the honeymoon is over, and reality hits them..... Well you can choose to live in a world where you choose not to address reality but those choices eventually don't work and you have to face reality when the "honeymoon" is over. These things include funeral situations and things like caskets and where and when, burial plots, obituaries, etc.

You know a lot of people do it early and call it being proactive. In fact Julie's parents set a great example for us and have paid for and planned all those events for both of them because they are very practical and he wants to be sure that none of the kids are left with the expenses involved with their funerals and plots. This is looked at positively so even though I feel that I have been granted an extension in life, I also feel that I should take a lesson from that example. So we did take some time to address some of those issues and when my folks came down we resolved a couple of them. I now have a place reserved with my family for burial and some other things started. While this is good, it also takes a toll on you when you know your time is narrowed closer to a known time frame. Everyone always mentions "we all are going to go, we just don't know when and that is actually true for me too. So it is no different really, but for some reason, I find myself being affected by it anyway.

This happened a few days ago when I was having a repeat of Sunday's episode of short breath and pain in my chest. I was glad we had a scheduled appointment with Dr. Te the next day and so far every follow-up test that he has requested to verify if anything has changed has come back negative. So it looks like it more of "pain management" issue than anything new or that we missed except for the infection. Now that would have been very bad in itself, so I am glad that the Lord put the roadblocks on place and I feel the breath and pain episodes that made me go to the E.R. were also his way of ensuring that I did not have a load of chemo that kills the antibodies put into my system when I needed all the antibodies i can get to fight the infection. Not Smart. So I believe the Lord was watching over me again (in spite of myself and my weaknesses).

Anyway when I had my little moment of depression as I moved into (what I now call) my funeral mode, I got inspired by my good friend Sharon again and she made a great suggestion. She first gave me permission to finish my depression and then (I hope she won't mind) she gave me the following directive. She is a real task master anyway, but I wanted to share it with you because I think it is well spoken...

(quote from her email)
So tomorrow I want you to experience 5 moments...moments that you wish you could capture forever and are grateful that you were given the chance to experience them. Perhaps it will be your daughter's giggle, the sunrise, the taste of the best malt in the world (Iceberg's chocolate banana). Then I want to hear what the are tomorrow night!

It worked very well as I decided I was going to do it. I focused on positive things and had a much better day. So since it worked so well for me and I thought it was a good idea for everybody to try (you can start with less than 5 if that is too much). It can have a a positive effect on anyone and that is what I am trying to achieve. Maintain a positive attitude as much as I can. So far I think I have done pretty well, but I do have some moments.

One more visitor

I had one more very special friend stop in this week. Actually it was a scheduled visit, and Tim is more than a special friend. He has been one of my best friends since High School. He stopped by and we had a great visit. Tim has been helping us prepare for this day for many years. I am so grateful for the help he has given and the support he has given to Julie too to ensure she felt she would be comfortable after I am gone. It is nice to know that he guided us and helped us with good choices because he truly cares about us and if you know Tim you know that is true. He is the most sincere and honest person I have ever known (even if he is always late for every appointment). We love you Tim. I think he really just wanted to get his picture on the blog because he wouldn't leave till we had taken his picture with me and Julie. So please be aware that Tim came over and I love him like a brother. He is an eternal friend that I will always respect and love him. I think Tim will even be late getting to meet me in heaven some day if we set up an appointment....lol.



Anyway I felt like he deserved to have his picture on the blog. So here it is. He deserves it.

Change in chemo schedule

Well I have been lucky till now, but it was probably bound to happen. Dr. Te always schedules a checkup with blood test and everything the day before a scheduled chemo treatment. We now have a first - hand experience of why he does this. C0mbining the results of the tests they did in the ER last Sunday and the results of the lab tests from yesterday we were able to avoid a situation that could have been pretty serious. It turns out that I have developed a urinary infection that should be able to be resolved soon. Until it is, since chemo pretty much kills the anti-bodies in my body that fight these infections, it isn't very smart to start the chemo treatment until after we get rid of the infection.

So although I am not real pleased with the delay, I am glad that processes are in place that ensure my best chances of surviving this course of action (chemo), and in fact I should be (and I am) grateful to the Lord for the fact that the course of events this past week led everyone to be alerted to a potentially dangerous circumstance and take the right course of action.

So I don't know for sure when it will be but as of right now, they have me scheduled for (now Wed) so let's hope I am better by then.

Shout out to my Uncle John making it back safe on his long trip. Hope we can find time to get the scoop from you.

Early morning thought time

Waiting to drive Justin to school this morning, and feeling so much better as the patch brings the pain back under control yesterday, I thought about how I often get caught in the "I need you now Lord ... oh never mind it is ok" syndrome. For the past three months I (my wife) has been changing my fentanyl patch every three days to help mitigate my pain. At first I was extremely aware of and grateful for the relief it provided me and I was well aware of how important it was to follow the rules and change it. This is a lot like when we are in need of the Lord's help and blessings for the times when things go bad and we are sad or hurt or depressed or scared. We pray hard and he is there. Then he blesses us and gives us what "He" knows to be the best for us (not always what we think is the best for us or what we ask for). Most people then begin to slowly forget (gratitude and to continue to pray). We begin to see things as resolving themselves or fixed because of something we do or we just plain don't acknowledge his hand in our lives the way we did before (sometimes it happens in days and weeks). As we forget to acknowledge his hand, he patiently watches as we distance ourselves from his loving care and soon we find ourselves truly on our own. At this point in the analogy I enjoyed my new found strength and ability to do external things (like go places and party) so much, I began to forget what exactly was providing that for me. In this case it was the fentanyl patch that quietly provided my pain relief in the "back" ground (that is where the patch is... on my back..... get it....never mind) and as I was caught up in the good times I neglected to pay attention to it like I should. After 2 days more than I should have changed it, it was basically doing nothing for me and I awoke Sunday morning with a bad morning experience I shared earlier.

It still did not strike me as to the real problem until I returned to the source of my original help (the infamous ER room). Again this is like us not recognizing the source of our help from the Lord right away either. When things get bad enough, we fall on our knees and say Lord help me I am falling..... oh never mind I am caught on the nail....(for those of you familiar with the story). Then finally at the ER room, the pieces start to come back into focus. We call home and have Justin check on the calendar and see when we changed the patch last. Sure enough two days over due. I am caught back into awareness of my faults and weaknesses and find myself fully aware of my dependence on the Lord and in this case my Fentanyl patch. Update: patch was administered in the hospital and one day later the pain is gone again and I am just like I was before (except hopefully a little smarter and a lot more humbled .... again....).

What is it going to take?????

MRI today too

Went in for an MRI today as well. Should have results tomorrow. Will know if the cancer that they found on my brain is stopped as well...... Hope so.

Looks like I will be going back in for an update sometime

As the days go on, it sounds like my voice is deteriorating a little and I think I will be heading back in for a tune up. But it was not too bad. The toughest part will be to schedule it around my chemo again. Just thought I would let you know. The voice was good for a few days, but it seems to be slipping back a little.

Sunday morning changes

Well shortly after I finished writing this morning things took a turn down south. When I woke up I had a real bad back ache and actually noticed I was having a difficult time breathing. I tried the hot pad and some Ibuprophen thinking that it was just a minor thing. It wasn't and got worse. By the time I woke Julie at 8:00 I realized that I had some serious back pain and breathing was very tough. The thought of going back to the E.R. was so unpleasant that I wanted to just try and ignore it, but my wonderfully inspired wife defended the decision to go over anyway. By the time we got to the hospital, I was a wreck. They took me right back and started running tests. The doctor was concerned about the blood clot possibility since we had just gone 6 days without the coumadin and he was also concerned about the possibility of pnemonia. So we did everything including a cat scan. All of these eventually came back negative and we were glad to get a clearance to go home.

But in the process, we figured something out. I had been enjoying the visit from my family so much, I let a regular procedure (that we have been doing for months now) slip. My fentanyl patch was two days over due for it's changing which basically meant that it was doing nothing for my pain. I guess I had become too used to the relief it has been bringing me and when it stopped working, I didn't put that symptom into it's perspective. Also, I had sat in a different chair all day yesterday and I think my back just couldn't adjust that quickly or something. All combined, I ended up needing to verify that this close to the throat surgery, it was best to let them (the doctors) do their jobs and determine that there was really nothing wrong that needed attention at this point.

Not what I thought I would be doing this morning and we just barely got back to take pictures and send my sister and family on their way back to Salt Lake. So thanks to Judy and Matthew and their family for answering my prayers, coming down to visit, and bringing Stacie. It was another marvelous "non-chemo" weekend. Absolutely wonderful on the party meter it ranked right up there near the top.


Stacie, Julie, Baldy, Judy, Mattew. Loving em all.


All the kids went swimming at the SHAC too.

Thanks everyone.

Sunday morning thoughts....again

It is early Sunday morning again and I love to have time to myself to think and contemplate the wonderfulness of life. And since I have been given a second chance on life, I think about it a lot. This past weekend has been full of life and my sister and her family (as well as my niece Stacie) have brought new life to me again. Not just by coming and visiting me, but by the spirit of love and peace and hope that they bring with them. I never knew how much you can feel it if you are in tune. They came down and we played games (I love a party) and we had a great visit. But through it all, I felt an overpowering feeling of love and concern for both me and my wife and I have always just thought of them (Stacie included) as one of my relatives that I was certain were praying for me. Instead I believe that Heavenly Father has sent angels (I have a lot of them on both sides helping me) to teach me and prepare me as well as help Julie and I through some pretty tough times. My family has been there for me through all this. My parents came down earlier for my surgery as well. The tiny miracles that have been granted me lately (Judy taught me to call them seagulls too) are too many to consider as coincidences.

(Our usual is Golden Corral, but to be different, they decided to try Chuck a Rama instead.)

There were a lot of lessons that I have been taught this week. One is that my parents love me unconditionally and my dad has sometimes has a hard time showing it, but I know that he does and he tries to show it in his own way and this week he did better than ever. Mom is just mom and she has never had a hard time showing her love. I guess my challenge has been to show it back. I was so grateful to have them here. Another lesson I learned is that a lot people's efforts to help me in the past (and now) were not just efforts to help, the were directed, inspired, responses to promptings from the Holy Ghost and often direct answers to prayers. I also learned that I am still weak in my communications with my Heavenly Father. I find myself falling into that trap again where we call upon the Lord when we are in trouble and desperate for his help, and then when things start going better we tend to forget to express our gratitude the way we should. It isn't that I am not grateful, I simply forget to express it as often as I should. That will be my goal this week as I get ready for another chemo treatment. I want the Lord to know that I am grateful and not just waiting for the next crisis to get on my knees and say "Help me now Lord, I am in pain". My soul is overcome now with shame for my lack of consistency, but again the beauty is I keep being given second chances. I will not miss out on them.

I also wanted to thank my home teacher for doing his job admirably. I called at the last minute and he ran right over and did exactly what I wanted him too. He is a fountain of knowledge concerning the history of St. George and I love to hear the stories. So since Stacie is a history major and Judy and her family seemed interested I asked him to come over and share some stories. He came right over and did a great job. Entertained us for over an hour and I was loving it. Thanks Bro. Jennings. Demonstrated how to do home teaching right. You can report a good visit this month (along with the others).
....more thoughts and pictures later.....

We always make time for games.......


The kids went for a quick hike before they went swimming
(can you see them just above the neighbor's roof)