As I am sitting in my work chair this morning (4:00 am is too early for the rocking chair / sun experience), I am given a chance to reflect again on the wisdom and blessings of Heavenly Father in my life. We are working on the financial aspect of this situation and I am trying hard again to trust in the Lord on all things. When it appears as if the doors are closed to us and we begin to question the Lord, a different door opens and I am humbled again at my weakness in my ability to trust in him to take care of me. I have faith, but it is weak at times. Sometimes I am just plain weak in all aspects of my life.
I try and remember how bad I felt when I realized my lack of trust in the Lord as the doctor in Rapid City gave me the options for chemo treatment locations. He said that since my cancer was inoperable and uncurable I could basically get the treatment in Rapid if I wanted but to be "with family" and I had family in Salt Lake, I could get the treatment at the Huntsman Cancer institute. Or (and I remember well the strong witness I felt) I could go "home" to St. George and they had a fine facility there. When he said the words "home to St. George" I felt a small prick of the heart (maybe it was just a little bit in the lungs too....lol) as I realized how Julie and I had been frustrated and tried to counsel the Lord and explain to him that for almost a year we had done everything he had asked us to and yet we had no luck or help in selling our house. But all of a sudden I realized that because of his "bigger picture" ability I had a "home" (not just a house) to go to and it has been one of the greatest blessings in my recovery. Again I feel humbled and I decided I needed to express my feelings because I find myself wavering slightly when it does not seem like it can work out but I need to have faith that the right doors will open.
I do have faith and so instead today I am going to focus on the fact that I have been given one more day and one more chance to show my faith. I am working on it. Don't anyone give up on me. I am weak, but I am not going to give up either. It is going to be a beautiful day no matter what........
I love you all.....
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2 comments:
ooooo, nice one Jim! That went very well with my peanutbutter toast.
You should have Chris Daughtry's "Home" playing in the background of your blog. Or maybe Michael Buble's song that goes: "I Wanna Go Home..."
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