I forgot what a trip it is on chemo and I wish I could forget more. It has been so long since I had a "downer week" that I forgot how bad it can be. Actually I do remember how bad it can be from the first time, but I forgot what the next few times were like..... but I remember now. I think I laid in bed all morning and couldn't hardly move (didn't want to either) except to go into the next room for a few minutes and come back to bed. Julie asked me twice how I was doing and I didn't even answer, I just put a "thumbs down" in the air and went back to sleep. I have been able to control the nausea pretty much with the pills. It doesn't make it go away really, it just keeps me from following through. It's tough too because I have pains as well left over from surgery that need medicine to cope. The medicine I need for that usually suggests not to take it without food and food is almost impossible to get down even with the nausea pills. I also am supposed to be drinking lots of fluids to get the chemo out of my body as quick as I can and even drinking anything right now is a challenge.
Like I said, I forgot how much fun chemo can be. But I am not really complaining because I have first hand experience on how much worse it can be and was. I am grateful for medicine, doctors, friends, wives (well mostly mine), family, and most importantly my testimony of my savior. All of these have played a part in my reaction, readjustment, and recovery thus far from the cancer. While my cancer will never go away, I am grateful for the second chance (like I have expressed before) to reconnect and reestablish relationships as well as build new memories with many people friends. So to all of you who have helped me in any way, I wanted to thank you again. You all have been so good to me and supported me in anything I have needed. From the wonderful people in Rapid City, and my friends and family in Salt Lake, to the great people here in St. George and all my friends and relatives I have all over (most of them I found on "facebook" too). I thank each of you for what you have done and I hope and pray that your efforts will be rewarded as much as is possible.
I might not write a whole lot for a couple of days, but know that I love each and everyone of you and love to see your comments and get you e-mails too. Have a "great moment" for me too and share them with me if you want.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Morning after
Well, so far the real bad after effects of the chemo haven't hit yet so I wanted to take some time to share some thanks again. This one goes to my oldest boy Josh and his wife Kirby. He and Kirby were inspired to come over Mon night after they got most of their homework done. Josh and Kirby are both taking classes to graduate from Dixie in the computer program and they also work for the college doing tech support (although in different areas). Two peas in a pod for sure. When they come over, it is the only time I get to talk "geek speek" and every time I do, I feel so much happier. I love my wife with all my heart, but computers have never been something that she has been interested in, other than e-mail, word processing and a few therapeutic games. So, Josh and Kirby are like a shot of adrenalin for me when they come over and visit me.
I was very very apprehensive Mon night (even my wife commented that I was extremely over agitated). They were inspired to come over by Justin hounding them for a new game they introduced to him over the weekend until they gave in and brought it over. But they stayed for a couple of hours and we just talked about their jobs and classes and it completely calmed me down and the best part was discussing their latest episodes at the college. In fact I think Josh has the best (or close to it) "tech support line from a customer" I think I have heard in quite a while.
Josh was trying to help a professor set up some software for his class. The College's IT department finally purchased for him because he was so demanding. He changed his mind regularly on certain aspects like where the computer desks had to be, so wiring became an issue and so forth. He also got so frustrated because he tired to install it himself (the professor) on all the computers in the class when the college had only got a 20 user license and identified 20 machines that it was installed on. So the professor used his own dept money to buy 20 more licenses but not the upgrade that had been applied to the first 20 already (so it was a different version too) and installed the new software himself. Not knowing any of this at the time, Josh began the imaging process the night before it was needed and when he came in the next day, the professor came in and was upset because he couldn't get to the internet after he logged on and couldn't get to his files etc. The only problem with the professor's story was the imaging process had not completed with the reboot so there was no way he could have logged on in the first place and when Josh tried to point this out, Josh explained "your hard drive doesn't even have an operating system on it yet" the professor was very perturbed. I think he may have also realized he had been caught in his own words and no way out so he just got upset and said (you are going to love this one) " I don't need a hard drive, I just need to have this program loaded". Even semi-geeks have to love that one. It has become my new great one liner. Josh tried to be polite and just turned back to the computer and tried not to bust up laughing. Pretty good if they don't need a hard drive. Now all you real techy people are going to immedialtey see that as a challenge and start to figure out how to do it with external storage, and vitual apps and virtual machines, or even going clear into citrix and so on, but if you do figure it out and want to get into it, I will be happy to give you Josh's e-mail. I prefer to enjoy the humor of the principle itself. I have had my share of those experiences as well (nomenclature included).
I am really blessed to have such good kids and Nicole is coming back down this weekend and I am so happy again. I got to talk to Brittany on the phone the other day for almost a half hour and that made me feel better too. My kids are doing everything they can. Even Katie comes in every so often and asks if there is anything she can do. You should know how I feel about Justin too. Wow, when I think about these kids, I realize I have been blessed (maybe more than I deserve) but I am grateful anyway. Maybe it is because I chose the right wife. Ok, that's the one I am sticking with because it is the truth.
They say the truth will set you free, let's see what it will do for my cancer. I have decided to accept the truth. I have cancer. There now let' s see what happens. Wait wait wait........... Nothing yet....... maybe it takes longer....... so I will let you know what happens tomorrow. Until them have a great "5 moment day". Especially you Sharon. I sense you need one today so look for them and report to me later (jk).
Anyway, the whole thing did wonders for me and when I went to chemo yesterday I was calmed way down and ready to do it. I know they stayed a lot longer to talk with me that night because they had to get up early for school, but I love my kids because they also are willing to listen to the spirit and heed the promptings and their visit was just one of those occasions. We do have angels on this side of the veil and I have some that I call my kids. When you see your kids turning out as good as you hoped they would, it helps make it so worthwhile. It is even more exciting when they begin to choose spouses that you feel are also good spirits with good family upbringing and so far our kids have done stellar at that in our minds. We couldn't ask for better than Kirby and Clint for Josh and Brit...........and we haven't given up totally on Nicole yet either.......lol.
I was very very apprehensive Mon night (even my wife commented that I was extremely over agitated). They were inspired to come over by Justin hounding them for a new game they introduced to him over the weekend until they gave in and brought it over. But they stayed for a couple of hours and we just talked about their jobs and classes and it completely calmed me down and the best part was discussing their latest episodes at the college. In fact I think Josh has the best (or close to it) "tech support line from a customer" I think I have heard in quite a while.
Josh was trying to help a professor set up some software for his class. The College's IT department finally purchased for him because he was so demanding. He changed his mind regularly on certain aspects like where the computer desks had to be, so wiring became an issue and so forth. He also got so frustrated because he tired to install it himself (the professor) on all the computers in the class when the college had only got a 20 user license and identified 20 machines that it was installed on. So the professor used his own dept money to buy 20 more licenses but not the upgrade that had been applied to the first 20 already (so it was a different version too) and installed the new software himself. Not knowing any of this at the time, Josh began the imaging process the night before it was needed and when he came in the next day, the professor came in and was upset because he couldn't get to the internet after he logged on and couldn't get to his files etc. The only problem with the professor's story was the imaging process had not completed with the reboot so there was no way he could have logged on in the first place and when Josh tried to point this out, Josh explained "your hard drive doesn't even have an operating system on it yet" the professor was very perturbed. I think he may have also realized he had been caught in his own words and no way out so he just got upset and said (you are going to love this one) " I don't need a hard drive, I just need to have this program loaded". Even semi-geeks have to love that one. It has become my new great one liner. Josh tried to be polite and just turned back to the computer and tried not to bust up laughing. Pretty good if they don't need a hard drive. Now all you real techy people are going to immedialtey see that as a challenge and start to figure out how to do it with external storage, and vitual apps and virtual machines, or even going clear into citrix and so on, but if you do figure it out and want to get into it, I will be happy to give you Josh's e-mail. I prefer to enjoy the humor of the principle itself. I have had my share of those experiences as well (nomenclature included).
I am really blessed to have such good kids and Nicole is coming back down this weekend and I am so happy again. I got to talk to Brittany on the phone the other day for almost a half hour and that made me feel better too. My kids are doing everything they can. Even Katie comes in every so often and asks if there is anything she can do. You should know how I feel about Justin too. Wow, when I think about these kids, I realize I have been blessed (maybe more than I deserve) but I am grateful anyway. Maybe it is because I chose the right wife. Ok, that's the one I am sticking with because it is the truth.
They say the truth will set you free, let's see what it will do for my cancer. I have decided to accept the truth. I have cancer. There now let' s see what happens. Wait wait wait........... Nothing yet....... maybe it takes longer....... so I will let you know what happens tomorrow. Until them have a great "5 moment day". Especially you Sharon. I sense you need one today so look for them and report to me later (jk).
Anyway, the whole thing did wonders for me and when I went to chemo yesterday I was calmed way down and ready to do it. I know they stayed a lot longer to talk with me that night because they had to get up early for school, but I love my kids because they also are willing to listen to the spirit and heed the promptings and their visit was just one of those occasions. We do have angels on this side of the veil and I have some that I call my kids. When you see your kids turning out as good as you hoped they would, it helps make it so worthwhile. It is even more exciting when they begin to choose spouses that you feel are also good spirits with good family upbringing and so far our kids have done stellar at that in our minds. We couldn't ask for better than Kirby and Clint for Josh and Brit...........and we haven't given up totally on Nicole yet either.......lol.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Chemo evening
I have just gotten home from the chemo and so far everything went well. IT was typical. Checked in at IV therapy at the old hospital at 8:45 am and got hooked up to the tubes by 10:00. Then it just dripped in all day. We finished the last bag at 4:00 and Julie brought me home. So uneventful. I didn't get sick or anything while I was there. I do think that I was a little bit more tired than before because I was pretty apprehensive last night and didn't sleep well. I don't think I will have a lot of problem making up the time. If all goes as expected, I will have a lot of up and down days but mostly down. I will try and keep it updated here as best as I can. Thanks for everyone's support.
Monday, February 9, 2009
We are a go
In spite of all my attempts to find a reason not to have chemo (lol) we are forging ahead as planned tomorrow with my next chemo treatment. So I am going to head down the bad chemo weeks pathway starting tomorrow. Should be a riot. Hopefully I will be able to keep you posted on some of it.
Ttyl
Ttyl
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Sunday Morning - 4:00 in the morning
Today's contemplations:
I have been thinking a lot about a conversation I had with a friend last night who I believe was inspired to come to my rescue and didn't know it. This friend is one of those (like I used to be) who has a lot of spiritual guidance in their life but has chosen to not always accept it as such. They are influenced a lot (like last night) by the spirit and even follow the promptings, but then they have a hard time recognizing the outcome as "tiny miracles" or spiritual guidance. Like last night for instance. I was in a lot of pain and the usual dosage of medication was not enough. I was tired of the pain and was just depressed.
I got on Facebook to see if that would help. I had a few people say hey and ask how I was and I just came right out and said how I felt at the time (pretty crappy) and most of them said oh sorry but were at a loss as to what they should say (I would be too). But after this one friend asked, and I responded, their answer caught my attention and I felt the spirit prompt me to talk to them some more. I didn't know why at the time, but it wasn't long before I realized that I could learn a lot from our discussion and then I also noticed that our conversation was also a tiny miracle (at least to me) and answer to my silent prayer. I had taken more medication but prayed quickly while I did, that I would be able to endure the pain until it went away. Most of the time I would have not put this whole converstion together as the answer to prayer that it was and both of us could easily have counted it as coincidental that we happened to be on there at the same time, etc. Not so anymore as I thought about it this morning.
Last night I was thinking (based on some of their questions) that I might be able to help them, as of this morning's meditations, I realized how much they helped me with those same questions and I thought through again some of the answers they gave me. I realized that I am still living in a very ego-centric world and need to start thinking more often about learning more from others. I was a little bit ashamed of my attitude, and hope that I can do better.
Now I am also grateful for other life long friends. I had my "friends forever" Dan P. and Andrea (another best friend from Qwest) stop and talk for a few minutes. I really needed that visit too and you can mark it off as coincidental if you want but I believe it was another tiny miracle. Some car situations and transportation for some people who were down here for my wife (Teresa and Julie's sister Maria), all of a sudden got resolved. Now Dan and Andrea probably don't know that they were answers to some prayers, but they were. And on top of that it really was great to visit with my old friend Dan. He has always been an awesome exmple to me of a terrific Dad to his kids, and a loving grandpa, as well as a hard worker, and like I said before a long time friend that I always have been able to count on no matter what. I am having a hard time transferring the pictures, but as soon as I can. I will have theirs right here.......lol
(picture of Dan and Andrea coming soon)
I have been thinking a lot about a conversation I had with a friend last night who I believe was inspired to come to my rescue and didn't know it. This friend is one of those (like I used to be) who has a lot of spiritual guidance in their life but has chosen to not always accept it as such. They are influenced a lot (like last night) by the spirit and even follow the promptings, but then they have a hard time recognizing the outcome as "tiny miracles" or spiritual guidance. Like last night for instance. I was in a lot of pain and the usual dosage of medication was not enough. I was tired of the pain and was just depressed.
I got on Facebook to see if that would help. I had a few people say hey and ask how I was and I just came right out and said how I felt at the time (pretty crappy) and most of them said oh sorry but were at a loss as to what they should say (I would be too). But after this one friend asked, and I responded, their answer caught my attention and I felt the spirit prompt me to talk to them some more. I didn't know why at the time, but it wasn't long before I realized that I could learn a lot from our discussion and then I also noticed that our conversation was also a tiny miracle (at least to me) and answer to my silent prayer. I had taken more medication but prayed quickly while I did, that I would be able to endure the pain until it went away. Most of the time I would have not put this whole converstion together as the answer to prayer that it was and both of us could easily have counted it as coincidental that we happened to be on there at the same time, etc. Not so anymore as I thought about it this morning.
Last night I was thinking (based on some of their questions) that I might be able to help them, as of this morning's meditations, I realized how much they helped me with those same questions and I thought through again some of the answers they gave me. I realized that I am still living in a very ego-centric world and need to start thinking more often about learning more from others. I was a little bit ashamed of my attitude, and hope that I can do better.
Now I am also grateful for other life long friends. I had my "friends forever" Dan P. and Andrea (another best friend from Qwest) stop and talk for a few minutes. I really needed that visit too and you can mark it off as coincidental if you want but I believe it was another tiny miracle. Some car situations and transportation for some people who were down here for my wife (Teresa and Julie's sister Maria), all of a sudden got resolved. Now Dan and Andrea probably don't know that they were answers to some prayers, but they were. And on top of that it really was great to visit with my old friend Dan. He has always been an awesome exmple to me of a terrific Dad to his kids, and a loving grandpa, as well as a hard worker, and like I said before a long time friend that I always have been able to count on no matter what. I am having a hard time transferring the pictures, but as soon as I can. I will have theirs right here.......lol
(picture of Dan and Andrea coming soon)
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Grandma Cook
I mentioned my Grandma the other day in one of my posts. I wanted to say hi to her again and tell you a little bit about her. Grandma is 95 years young. She was always fun to visit because we knew where she kept the fig newtons hidden in the drawer in the kitchen. She always likes to brag about her posterity so I collected it so I could brag for her. Here is the latest count.
Children- 6
Grandchildren - 28 (I fit in here)
Great GrandCh- 94
Gr. Gr. Grandch - 23
For a total of ...... 151 immediate posterity.
She is awesome and a great inspiration to me. Thanks grandma.
(By the way to my relatives, she has Aunt Margie read the blog to her so say hi if you want.)
Children- 6
Grandchildren - 28 (I fit in here)
Great GrandCh- 94
Gr. Gr. Grandch - 23
For a total of ...... 151 immediate posterity.
She is awesome and a great inspiration to me. Thanks grandma.
(By the way to my relatives, she has Aunt Margie read the blog to her so say hi if you want.)
Voiceupdate
As suspected, we need to do a follow-up injection for my throat. It worked really good for a week and then started backwards a little. The doctor was not too concerned, and we just scheduled the next one for the 25th (so far, but we will see how that goes). I barely made it through the appointment today but I am doing better than yesterday and a whole lot better than the day before. It has been pretty rough and I am grateful again for the pain meds I have. They are about the only thing that gets me through it. That a lot of prayers. So thanks to everyone again.
next update in .........well whenever something happens.....
next update in .........well whenever something happens.....
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
4 AM Philosophy
RANDOMNESS
Well here we are again at 4:00 like usual. Random thoughts this morning. I wanted to take a minute to thank my other brothers and sisters that have been trying to deal with my cancer in their own ways and I want them to know that I appreciate their efforts and their prayers. We were all taught by our mother and father that prayers work, and I know they do. In my case, I think a lot of us (myself included) were praying for things that were not in God's plan for me. So I am trying to bring his will into my life and make it mine. But anyway, back to my family..... My older brother Keldon who for years has tried to convince me that California (well San Jose) where he lives is the best place to live. I am sure it is for you, but for me right now (picture me in ruby red slippers clicking the heels 3 times) "there's no place like home.... there's no place like home". And that would be St. George today. Home used to be Murray, but mom's dolls chased us all out......lol. My older Sister Holly has her hands full in Cleveland Ohio but their Mission Presidency will be over in.......oops don't get trunky. My younger sister Wendy and I have some drugs in common right now too.... she gets to take coumadin as well. She has her hands full with little Tyler for sure, but he will grow up to be a great kid like his brother Chris. Then Dan.... my little bother as I call him (but it is definitely in jest - DORK). We used to golf a lot together and hope to again someday. He even learned that when you throw your clubs, you throw it down the fairway towards the green so you don't hold everyone up retrieving it. And then Judy. What can we say about her. She doesn't do anything half way. It is amazing what she gets done. She lives right behind David Archeleta (and Judy's house is for sale... don't tell anyone though it is a secret....lol.. it really is not a secret, but it is for sale). Well I hope I didn't say anything bad (I usually screw it up when I am trying to tell people thanks and how great they are. And they are great. Everyone of us are still getting along great. We try to talk with each other every so often (I gotta figure out how to catch Kelly on facebook, but we can't ever seem to be on together. Maybe we will have to schedule it......ahhhh ....nooooooo... be organized????? Not me. So thanks to the Cook kids at least my 5 siblings that are just great and I am so glad I could be in this family. I hope I haven't made things too difficult for you, but I am learning so much, that it actually has moments where I am grateful for this time. I know that sounds weird, but it happens from time to time. I am not happy about what is happening to my body, but to my mind and spirit I am growing a lot. Oh .... that reminds me (my mind), in case I didn't report on it (can't always remember) the MRI showed that the cancer spots on my brain are no worse either so they aren't concentrating on them right now. That is just fine with me.... I got a lot of other places we can focus on. So they tell me.....
I also wanted to say hey to my Grandma Cook who is enjoying some time back east with my uncle Maurice. I am glad they are taking good care of her. I do miss seeing her every so often at reunions and such. In fact her huge reunion she put together at the Homestead a few years ago was a highlight of my life and I will always cherish the memories of the whole thing. Thanks Grandma.
My family is great and I love them all but I better move on......
More later....
Well here we are again at 4:00 like usual. Random thoughts this morning. I wanted to take a minute to thank my other brothers and sisters that have been trying to deal with my cancer in their own ways and I want them to know that I appreciate their efforts and their prayers. We were all taught by our mother and father that prayers work, and I know they do. In my case, I think a lot of us (myself included) were praying for things that were not in God's plan for me. So I am trying to bring his will into my life and make it mine. But anyway, back to my family..... My older brother Keldon who for years has tried to convince me that California (well San Jose) where he lives is the best place to live. I am sure it is for you, but for me right now (picture me in ruby red slippers clicking the heels 3 times) "there's no place like home.... there's no place like home". And that would be St. George today. Home used to be Murray, but mom's dolls chased us all out......lol. My older Sister Holly has her hands full in Cleveland Ohio but their Mission Presidency will be over in.......oops don't get trunky. My younger sister Wendy and I have some drugs in common right now too.... she gets to take coumadin as well. She has her hands full with little Tyler for sure, but he will grow up to be a great kid like his brother Chris. Then Dan.... my little bother as I call him (but it is definitely in jest - DORK). We used to golf a lot together and hope to again someday. He even learned that when you throw your clubs, you throw it down the fairway towards the green so you don't hold everyone up retrieving it. And then Judy. What can we say about her. She doesn't do anything half way. It is amazing what she gets done. She lives right behind David Archeleta (and Judy's house is for sale... don't tell anyone though it is a secret....lol.. it really is not a secret, but it is for sale). Well I hope I didn't say anything bad (I usually screw it up when I am trying to tell people thanks and how great they are. And they are great. Everyone of us are still getting along great. We try to talk with each other every so often (I gotta figure out how to catch Kelly on facebook, but we can't ever seem to be on together. Maybe we will have to schedule it......ahhhh ....nooooooo... be organized????? Not me. So thanks to the Cook kids at least my 5 siblings that are just great and I am so glad I could be in this family. I hope I haven't made things too difficult for you, but I am learning so much, that it actually has moments where I am grateful for this time. I know that sounds weird, but it happens from time to time. I am not happy about what is happening to my body, but to my mind and spirit I am growing a lot. Oh .... that reminds me (my mind), in case I didn't report on it (can't always remember) the MRI showed that the cancer spots on my brain are no worse either so they aren't concentrating on them right now. That is just fine with me.... I got a lot of other places we can focus on. So they tell me.....
I also wanted to say hey to my Grandma Cook who is enjoying some time back east with my uncle Maurice. I am glad they are taking good care of her. I do miss seeing her every so often at reunions and such. In fact her huge reunion she put together at the Homestead a few years ago was a highlight of my life and I will always cherish the memories of the whole thing. Thanks Grandma.
My family is great and I love them all but I better move on......
More later....
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Longer update with more detail
When I went to the doctor yesterday we had no idea what to expect with respect to my drain. My drain is simply a plastic tube that they pushed inside the lung cavity area and one end sits inside between the lung area and my chest (this is where the fluid is collecting). I thought there was some sort of filtering device on that end, but we learned last night that the tube just has a lot of holes in it at that end... nothing special. Then if you follow the tube out of the side of my body it has a little receptor hole at the end of the tube out here that you have to put a special connector in to drain the fluid. It is fairly new technology, but I (we) have been so glad to have it. So even with all this new (to me) info, the doctors were unable to determine why mine stopped working. I got into Radiology outpatient / staging area about 2:00 or 2:30 pm and we waited for a long time since they were squeezing us in. I was happy to wait. They finally came in and surrounded my bed and tried to clean the tube, inject saline, and whatever they could do to get it working again. No joy. So at this point (5:30 pm) they decide to take me back to a room where they do a little more involved surgeries. I vaguely remember this room from last October and then I (correctly) remember some recovery pain associated with it as well. The radiology people really know all about this drain and after they got me in the other room vand the doctor that did the original surgery (Dr. Olsen) came in they started pumping some medication into me that was supposed to help me feel better but I believe it was also to make me forget about what was about to happen to me in the next hour. I actually do remember crying out in pain several times throughout the procedure but I don't think Dr. Olsen was too concerned at the time. He never could determine what caused it to stop working so the only option left was to replace it. This they did and sent me back to my room. They observed me for a few more hours and then sent me home. I was happy to get home but later that night (or the next morning however you want to look at it) I was even more grateful for strong pain medication. I haven't had pain like this for a while but more grateful than ever for successful chemo.
It also brings back my respect and admiration for dear Megan and everything she is going through. My prayers are with you again friend. And to your great husband Josh H. my thanks for everything you are doing for her so she can be an inspiration to us all.
So how am I today? Bad enough that I couldn't go to my doctor's apt for proper authorization for chemo tomorrow. No go on chemo. (hey I like that one). There is a cheer for you Judy.....No go on chee mo.... , no go ... on che moo....lol.
Chemo is now rescheduled (again) for next tues. and I just hope that we can get it all under control by then. In the meantime I am sitting in my chair again remembering all the good visits I had and hoping it won't be long before we have more.
So now you know...... and knowing is half the battle (old timers join in ......GI JOE). Those who are old enough
It also brings back my respect and admiration for dear Megan and everything she is going through. My prayers are with you again friend. And to your great husband Josh H. my thanks for everything you are doing for her so she can be an inspiration to us all.
So how am I today? Bad enough that I couldn't go to my doctor's apt for proper authorization for chemo tomorrow. No go on chemo. (hey I like that one). There is a cheer for you Judy.....No go on chee mo.... , no go ... on che moo....lol.
Chemo is now rescheduled (again) for next tues. and I just hope that we can get it all under control by then. In the meantime I am sitting in my chair again remembering all the good visits I had and hoping it won't be long before we have more.
So now you know...... and knowing is half the battle (old timers join in ......GI JOE). Those who are old enough
I will try and update...good news bad news again...lol
HERE IS THE UPDATE:
The bad news was that drain was unable to be fixed so they had to replace it.
The good news was that the radiology dept at the hospital (who were the ones that put it in) could squeeze me in at the end of the day for surgery.
The bad news was that they also squeezed in few more before me too,
The good news was that we only missed one apt
The bad news was that it was a follow up with Dr. Richards on the radiation.
The good news was that they finally got me into the room in radiology where they did the surgery and they were not going to put me under.
The bad news was ....... they were not going to put me under....lol
The good news was that the local anesthetics they gave me made me forget a lot anyway
The bad news was that it did not make me forget that the doctor was not gentle with me (I remember well the pain, but somehow didn't care at the time (enough drugs can do that I guess).
The good news was that I got to go home after about 3 hours or so of monitoring.
The bad news was as soon as I got home I could tell the medication was wearing off and quickly remembered exactly where the doctor was "not gentle".
The good news is that I have lots of drugs to help mitigate the pain.
The bad news is.... I had to use a lot of it at 3:00 in the morning.
The good news is, it worked so far.
Now the question is "Am I still going to be ready for chemo on Wed (I guess that is tomorrow). More tests today will tell us the answer to that one. Also, after a good discussion with the doctors and nurses at Radiology, we understand a whole lot more about this particular drain system and feel really good about the decision to use it. Also when they did drain the fluid that had built up in my lung cavity area, it ended up being about half of the amount that we anticipated. That is good too.
I will discuss more later about the drain tube, but I know a lot of people were wondering about the surgery so I tried to get it out there as quick as I could and now I need to try and let the drugs work and help me sleep (if I can).
Have a great "5 magic moment" day.
The bad news was that drain was unable to be fixed so they had to replace it.
The good news was that the radiology dept at the hospital (who were the ones that put it in) could squeeze me in at the end of the day for surgery.
The bad news was that they also squeezed in few more before me too,
The good news was that we only missed one apt
The bad news was that it was a follow up with Dr. Richards on the radiation.
The good news was that they finally got me into the room in radiology where they did the surgery and they were not going to put me under.
The bad news was ....... they were not going to put me under....lol
The good news was that the local anesthetics they gave me made me forget a lot anyway
The bad news was that it did not make me forget that the doctor was not gentle with me (I remember well the pain, but somehow didn't care at the time (enough drugs can do that I guess).
The good news was that I got to go home after about 3 hours or so of monitoring.
The bad news was as soon as I got home I could tell the medication was wearing off and quickly remembered exactly where the doctor was "not gentle".
The good news is that I have lots of drugs to help mitigate the pain.
The bad news is.... I had to use a lot of it at 3:00 in the morning.
The good news is, it worked so far.
Now the question is "Am I still going to be ready for chemo on Wed (I guess that is tomorrow). More tests today will tell us the answer to that one. Also, after a good discussion with the doctors and nurses at Radiology, we understand a whole lot more about this particular drain system and feel really good about the decision to use it. Also when they did drain the fluid that had built up in my lung cavity area, it ended up being about half of the amount that we anticipated. That is good too.
I will discuss more later about the drain tube, but I know a lot of people were wondering about the surgery so I tried to get it out there as quick as I could and now I need to try and let the drugs work and help me sleep (if I can).
Have a great "5 magic moment" day.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Sunday morning thoughts
Emotional RollerCoaster:
Well this past two weeks has been a truly wild ride emotionally. Like a regular roller coaster. Typically I like roller coasters but not when you are describing my emotional experiences. It is very, very hard. And when everyone tells you that they are so impressed, that you are being positive through all this, you feel even more pressure to remain positive. Well for those of you that were expecting more out of me, I let you down this past week. I will admit to you publicly, that I had several emotional breakdowns and actually cried a lot. Some came from various experiences and other times it was just more than I could handle. But....... through it all I had several faith confirming experiences (and a couple of angels) that helped me through it. In looking back at each of them, one thing came through over and over to me and helped me more than anything else. I have a testimony of the gospel and know that I will be able to live forever with my wife and family if I remain faithful.
Most of my emotional breakdowns came in the middle of the night and I knew that all I had to do (and a couple of times I did) was go into the bedroom and wake my wonderful angel wife up and she would make everything all better (as much as she can). It was very comforting to know and to use this truth when I really needed her. Three nights ago (my 4:00 in the morning / can't sleep episode) was punctuated with a can't breathe and lots of pain in my chest and I immediately fell into a reality possibility mode and sort of lost it again. I climbed back into the bed (wishing I could snuggle some day again, but until the tubes are gone have to sleep only on my back) and started crying hard enough to wake up my wife. She held my hand through it and promised she would always be there for me until I settled down. This took about a half hour. I used to care if people knew I had these emotional breakdowns, but now I think it is important that those of you that are so impressed with my positive attitude, know that there is the other side I don't talk about a lot (but am not ashamed of now like I used to be). I have them like everyone else. They are more a part of my life now more than ever. I didn't use to let them out much. I don't know for sure that it "helps" me any to let them out, but I know now that they are necessary and it is ok. I think it helps me somewhat I believe so I can "live with it".
So those are my thoughts for today.
I hope you all have a great Sunday and then an even better week.
A lot of you are doing the 5 moment thing and that is awesome. It seems to help others as much as it did me. Thanks Sharon for the tips on "magic moments".
Well this past two weeks has been a truly wild ride emotionally. Like a regular roller coaster. Typically I like roller coasters but not when you are describing my emotional experiences. It is very, very hard. And when everyone tells you that they are so impressed, that you are being positive through all this, you feel even more pressure to remain positive. Well for those of you that were expecting more out of me, I let you down this past week. I will admit to you publicly, that I had several emotional breakdowns and actually cried a lot. Some came from various experiences and other times it was just more than I could handle. But....... through it all I had several faith confirming experiences (and a couple of angels) that helped me through it. In looking back at each of them, one thing came through over and over to me and helped me more than anything else. I have a testimony of the gospel and know that I will be able to live forever with my wife and family if I remain faithful.
Most of my emotional breakdowns came in the middle of the night and I knew that all I had to do (and a couple of times I did) was go into the bedroom and wake my wonderful angel wife up and she would make everything all better (as much as she can). It was very comforting to know and to use this truth when I really needed her. Three nights ago (my 4:00 in the morning / can't sleep episode) was punctuated with a can't breathe and lots of pain in my chest and I immediately fell into a reality possibility mode and sort of lost it again. I climbed back into the bed (wishing I could snuggle some day again, but until the tubes are gone have to sleep only on my back) and started crying hard enough to wake up my wife. She held my hand through it and promised she would always be there for me until I settled down. This took about a half hour. I used to care if people knew I had these emotional breakdowns, but now I think it is important that those of you that are so impressed with my positive attitude, know that there is the other side I don't talk about a lot (but am not ashamed of now like I used to be). I have them like everyone else. They are more a part of my life now more than ever. I didn't use to let them out much. I don't know for sure that it "helps" me any to let them out, but I know now that they are necessary and it is ok. I think it helps me somewhat I believe so I can "live with it".
So those are my thoughts for today.
I hope you all have a great Sunday and then an even better week.
A lot of you are doing the 5 moment thing and that is awesome. It seems to help others as much as it did me. Thanks Sharon for the tips on "magic moments".
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Nicole is amazing and Dad gets to brag
My Daughter Nicole:
I am sure it will embarrass her a lot, but as a proud father of a very talented daughter it is my right (and responsibility) to do whatever I can in both of those areas. (Now that she is 21, as we found out earlier... she knows how to party....lol) As some of you might know my Nicole (going to school at UVU and did an internship in Washington D.C. last year) is a Sign Language Interpreter. There are 2 levels of Certification for the State of Utah and it basically dictates some of the places and events you can be asked to interpret for. It also affects how much you can charge for your services.
Last year (actually almost a year and a half ago) she passed her level 1 certification while she was still in the middle of her 2 year training program at SLCC. Very few people ever do this. Now, as she is signing up for the classes at UVU this semester to help her prepare for the Level 2 certification, she decides to take the test for it now. This is common practice because most people take the five part test and pass a couple of the parts and then go back, study up on their weak areas and take those again. I don't know everyone, but all the interpreter people that I have ever talked to say they have never heard of anyone passing the Level 2 certification test on the first try (all 5 parts). Nicole didn't even know it was possible, but she did it. All five parts on her first try.
Way to go Nicole..... She deserves a big hi-five and super shout out. I apologize ahead of time for embarrassing her (she will not be happy with me for a few weeks now and make me promise to never do this again) but I deserve a little bragging rights don't I?????? After all she should be happy that I have a chance to congratulate her in this life right.... (cancer card). That is a little inside joke with my family.
I am sure it will embarrass her a lot, but as a proud father of a very talented daughter it is my right (and responsibility) to do whatever I can in both of those areas. (Now that she is 21, as we found out earlier... she knows how to party....lol) As some of you might know my Nicole (going to school at UVU and did an internship in Washington D.C. last year) is a Sign Language Interpreter. There are 2 levels of Certification for the State of Utah and it basically dictates some of the places and events you can be asked to interpret for. It also affects how much you can charge for your services.
Last year (actually almost a year and a half ago) she passed her level 1 certification while she was still in the middle of her 2 year training program at SLCC. Very few people ever do this. Now, as she is signing up for the classes at UVU this semester to help her prepare for the Level 2 certification, she decides to take the test for it now. This is common practice because most people take the five part test and pass a couple of the parts and then go back, study up on their weak areas and take those again. I don't know everyone, but all the interpreter people that I have ever talked to say they have never heard of anyone passing the Level 2 certification test on the first try (all 5 parts). Nicole didn't even know it was possible, but she did it. All five parts on her first try.
Way to go Nicole..... She deserves a big hi-five and super shout out. I apologize ahead of time for embarrassing her (she will not be happy with me for a few weeks now and make me promise to never do this again) but I deserve a little bragging rights don't I?????? After all she should be happy that I have a chance to congratulate her in this life right.... (cancer card). That is a little inside joke with my family.
Lots of updates....
I am going to split up the updates. I have a little bit of everything. More problems with my health, bragging rights for my Nicole, and lots of feelings of hope and despair all in a couple of days. So hang on if you like this. I think I will separate them so you can choose to to read them or not based on what you read my blog for.
Health first:
This one will be about my health. Just when things were doing okay and I had a few good weeks too..... bummer. I decided that I was really glad I had all the visitor's when I did because it is going to be a while I think before I am going to be in the visitors mode due to some new developments and schedule changes. First the chemo keeps getting postponed (we are into several weeks delay already and now Monday may be a delay again). It all depends on what Dr. Te wants to do about my drain. We ended up in the E.R. again tonight because my drain wasn't working any more and we called the Dr. on call and he told us to go to the hospital and have it cleaned out. As most of you know (if you followed the early blog) I have a drain tube coming from the lung cavity area on the left side of my chest. We drain the fluid that has been being generated by the cancer into some pressurized bottles and it saves us from having to go to the hospital every couple of days to have it drained. It has been a tremendous blessing to have it as an option and now we are finding out it is really new technology. No one at the ER has any experience with it and they don't stock any parts or anything for it (that the ER people could get their hands on tonight. The doctor (she really tried hard) said as she learned more and more about it, said she was actually amazed that it had worked this well this long...... great news. But it stopped working properly last night. We tried it again this morning and same results. Thus the doctor told us to go to E.R. again. I guess since I really enjoy going to that place so much, I delayed it as long as possible.
We finally went over and signed in at about 4:00 pm. It was the first time that we went into the ER and they didn't rush me right into a room because I looked so bad walking in the door. To sum it up, after much effort on the nurses (and doctors) part they were not able to make the tube that is in my chest work and get cleaned off. We assume that it has gathered a lot of protein "stuff" around the tube inside and has blocked it off. We can get stuff in through the tube but something blocks it from coming out. Weird eh? As we all learned a little more about this tube and drain bottle system we also found out that the company did everything to make sure you had to get all the parts and pieces from them. Apparently it is so new that most of the doctors and nurses there have never seen it or dealt with it, and they don't have all the things they need in the E.R. to deal with problems like we bring them. So now I have wait till Monday for Dr. Te to schedule another operation to replace the tube. Which will probably mean that Chemo could be moved back again (It currently is scheduled for Wed.) Also the surgery on my throat is for sure going to need an update (or follow up tweak). It is almost gone again (my voice) but I am pretty sure it can be fixed better with a little more stuff. Man this week has really taken some interesting twists and turns. (Note: Total time in E.R. to find out I get to come back on Monday?? Only 6 total hours tonight)
Well that is the medical update....... Next I will do the kids update. (Some of you might not want to read on so please do if so only if you choose.
Oh, one funny side note I have to add about my best friend Tim Park.... I told my wife that after the comments I made on the blog about him, the first thing he would say when he say me next (but maybe not in this order) "ARV...." (that is my nickname from him) ..."YOU PICKER"...... and then he would say "I'M GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT". And just to let you know that our friendship is still secure, those were the exact words he used when he stopped back on his way home from Vegas. I told my wife that was what he would say and she laughed so hard she had to stop doing whatever it was she was doing. Tim (or Roy which is our nickname for him) is so predictable..... I mean consistent....ya consistent.....lol. Those of you that know Tim at all, are probably laughing pretty good and nodding your head and saying.... yep...... that's Tim. And now he is really going to "kick my butt"
Health first:
This one will be about my health. Just when things were doing okay and I had a few good weeks too..... bummer. I decided that I was really glad I had all the visitor's when I did because it is going to be a while I think before I am going to be in the visitors mode due to some new developments and schedule changes. First the chemo keeps getting postponed (we are into several weeks delay already and now Monday may be a delay again). It all depends on what Dr. Te wants to do about my drain. We ended up in the E.R. again tonight because my drain wasn't working any more and we called the Dr. on call and he told us to go to the hospital and have it cleaned out. As most of you know (if you followed the early blog) I have a drain tube coming from the lung cavity area on the left side of my chest. We drain the fluid that has been being generated by the cancer into some pressurized bottles and it saves us from having to go to the hospital every couple of days to have it drained. It has been a tremendous blessing to have it as an option and now we are finding out it is really new technology. No one at the ER has any experience with it and they don't stock any parts or anything for it (that the ER people could get their hands on tonight. The doctor (she really tried hard) said as she learned more and more about it, said she was actually amazed that it had worked this well this long...... great news. But it stopped working properly last night. We tried it again this morning and same results. Thus the doctor told us to go to E.R. again. I guess since I really enjoy going to that place so much, I delayed it as long as possible.
We finally went over and signed in at about 4:00 pm. It was the first time that we went into the ER and they didn't rush me right into a room because I looked so bad walking in the door. To sum it up, after much effort on the nurses (and doctors) part they were not able to make the tube that is in my chest work and get cleaned off. We assume that it has gathered a lot of protein "stuff" around the tube inside and has blocked it off. We can get stuff in through the tube but something blocks it from coming out. Weird eh? As we all learned a little more about this tube and drain bottle system we also found out that the company did everything to make sure you had to get all the parts and pieces from them. Apparently it is so new that most of the doctors and nurses there have never seen it or dealt with it, and they don't have all the things they need in the E.R. to deal with problems like we bring them. So now I have wait till Monday for Dr. Te to schedule another operation to replace the tube. Which will probably mean that Chemo could be moved back again (It currently is scheduled for Wed.) Also the surgery on my throat is for sure going to need an update (or follow up tweak). It is almost gone again (my voice) but I am pretty sure it can be fixed better with a little more stuff. Man this week has really taken some interesting twists and turns. (Note: Total time in E.R. to find out I get to come back on Monday?? Only 6 total hours tonight)
Well that is the medical update....... Next I will do the kids update. (Some of you might not want to read on so please do if so only if you choose.
Oh, one funny side note I have to add about my best friend Tim Park.... I told my wife that after the comments I made on the blog about him, the first thing he would say when he say me next (but maybe not in this order) "ARV...." (that is my nickname from him) ..."YOU PICKER"...... and then he would say "I'M GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT". And just to let you know that our friendship is still secure, those were the exact words he used when he stopped back on his way home from Vegas. I told my wife that was what he would say and she laughed so hard she had to stop doing whatever it was she was doing. Tim (or Roy which is our nickname for him) is so predictable..... I mean consistent....ya consistent.....lol. Those of you that know Tim at all, are probably laughing pretty good and nodding your head and saying.... yep...... that's Tim. And now he is really going to "kick my butt"
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thoughts on the day
Since I have been "sidelined" for a week with an infection, I was forced to think about "things" again. It is hard to be positive all the time and certain events make you realize that reality must be addressed eventually. It is just the opposite of a newly wed and honeymoon. People always joke about it and say when the honeymoon is over, and reality hits them..... Well you can choose to live in a world where you choose not to address reality but those choices eventually don't work and you have to face reality when the "honeymoon" is over. These things include funeral situations and things like caskets and where and when, burial plots, obituaries, etc.
You know a lot of people do it early and call it being proactive. In fact Julie's parents set a great example for us and have paid for and planned all those events for both of them because they are very practical and he wants to be sure that none of the kids are left with the expenses involved with their funerals and plots. This is looked at positively so even though I feel that I have been granted an extension in life, I also feel that I should take a lesson from that example. So we did take some time to address some of those issues and when my folks came down we resolved a couple of them. I now have a place reserved with my family for burial and some other things started. While this is good, it also takes a toll on you when you know your time is narrowed closer to a known time frame. Everyone always mentions "we all are going to go, we just don't know when and that is actually true for me too. So it is no different really, but for some reason, I find myself being affected by it anyway.
This happened a few days ago when I was having a repeat of Sunday's episode of short breath and pain in my chest. I was glad we had a scheduled appointment with Dr. Te the next day and so far every follow-up test that he has requested to verify if anything has changed has come back negative. So it looks like it more of "pain management" issue than anything new or that we missed except for the infection. Now that would have been very bad in itself, so I am glad that the Lord put the roadblocks on place and I feel the breath and pain episodes that made me go to the E.R. were also his way of ensuring that I did not have a load of chemo that kills the antibodies put into my system when I needed all the antibodies i can get to fight the infection. Not Smart. So I believe the Lord was watching over me again (in spite of myself and my weaknesses).
Anyway when I had my little moment of depression as I moved into (what I now call) my funeral mode, I got inspired by my good friend Sharon again and she made a great suggestion. She first gave me permission to finish my depression and then (I hope she won't mind) she gave me the following directive. She is a real task master anyway, but I wanted to share it with you because I think it is well spoken...
(quote from her email)
So tomorrow I want you to experience 5 moments...moments that you wish you could capture forever and are grateful that you were given the chance to experience them. Perhaps it will be your daughter's giggle, the sunrise, the taste of the best malt in the world (Iceberg's chocolate banana). Then I want to hear what the are tomorrow night!
It worked very well as I decided I was going to do it. I focused on positive things and had a much better day. So since it worked so well for me and I thought it was a good idea for everybody to try (you can start with less than 5 if that is too much). It can have a a positive effect on anyone and that is what I am trying to achieve. Maintain a positive attitude as much as I can. So far I think I have done pretty well, but I do have some moments.
You know a lot of people do it early and call it being proactive. In fact Julie's parents set a great example for us and have paid for and planned all those events for both of them because they are very practical and he wants to be sure that none of the kids are left with the expenses involved with their funerals and plots. This is looked at positively so even though I feel that I have been granted an extension in life, I also feel that I should take a lesson from that example. So we did take some time to address some of those issues and when my folks came down we resolved a couple of them. I now have a place reserved with my family for burial and some other things started. While this is good, it also takes a toll on you when you know your time is narrowed closer to a known time frame. Everyone always mentions "we all are going to go, we just don't know when and that is actually true for me too. So it is no different really, but for some reason, I find myself being affected by it anyway.
This happened a few days ago when I was having a repeat of Sunday's episode of short breath and pain in my chest. I was glad we had a scheduled appointment with Dr. Te the next day and so far every follow-up test that he has requested to verify if anything has changed has come back negative. So it looks like it more of "pain management" issue than anything new or that we missed except for the infection. Now that would have been very bad in itself, so I am glad that the Lord put the roadblocks on place and I feel the breath and pain episodes that made me go to the E.R. were also his way of ensuring that I did not have a load of chemo that kills the antibodies put into my system when I needed all the antibodies i can get to fight the infection. Not Smart. So I believe the Lord was watching over me again (in spite of myself and my weaknesses).
Anyway when I had my little moment of depression as I moved into (what I now call) my funeral mode, I got inspired by my good friend Sharon again and she made a great suggestion. She first gave me permission to finish my depression and then (I hope she won't mind) she gave me the following directive. She is a real task master anyway, but I wanted to share it with you because I think it is well spoken...
(quote from her email)
So tomorrow I want you to experience 5 moments...moments that you wish you could capture forever and are grateful that you were given the chance to experience them. Perhaps it will be your daughter's giggle, the sunrise, the taste of the best malt in the world (Iceberg's chocolate banana). Then I want to hear what the are tomorrow night!
It worked very well as I decided I was going to do it. I focused on positive things and had a much better day. So since it worked so well for me and I thought it was a good idea for everybody to try (you can start with less than 5 if that is too much). It can have a a positive effect on anyone and that is what I am trying to achieve. Maintain a positive attitude as much as I can. So far I think I have done pretty well, but I do have some moments.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
One more visitor
I had one more very special friend stop in this week. Actually it was a scheduled visit, and Tim is more than a special friend. He has been one of my best friends since High School. He stopped by and we had a great visit. Tim has been helping us prepare for this day for many years. I am so grateful for the help he has given and the support he has given to Julie too to ensure she felt she would be comfortable after I am gone. It is nice to know that he guided us and helped us with good choices because he truly cares about us and if you know Tim you know that is true. He is the most sincere and honest person I have ever known (even if he is always late for every appointment). We love you Tim. I think he really just wanted to get his picture on the blog because he wouldn't leave till we had taken his picture with me and Julie. So please be aware that Tim came over and I love him like a brother. He is an eternal friend that I will always respect and love him. I think Tim will even be late getting to meet me in heaven some day if we set up an appointment....lol.
Anyway I felt like he deserved to have his picture on the blog. So here it is. He deserves it.
Anyway I felt like he deserved to have his picture on the blog. So here it is. He deserves it.
Change in chemo schedule
Well I have been lucky till now, but it was probably bound to happen. Dr. Te always schedules a checkup with blood test and everything the day before a scheduled chemo treatment. We now have a first - hand experience of why he does this. C0mbining the results of the tests they did in the ER last Sunday and the results of the lab tests from yesterday we were able to avoid a situation that could have been pretty serious. It turns out that I have developed a urinary infection that should be able to be resolved soon. Until it is, since chemo pretty much kills the anti-bodies in my body that fight these infections, it isn't very smart to start the chemo treatment until after we get rid of the infection.
So although I am not real pleased with the delay, I am glad that processes are in place that ensure my best chances of surviving this course of action (chemo), and in fact I should be (and I am) grateful to the Lord for the fact that the course of events this past week led everyone to be alerted to a potentially dangerous circumstance and take the right course of action.
So I don't know for sure when it will be but as of right now, they have me scheduled for (now Wed) so let's hope I am better by then.
Shout out to my Uncle John making it back safe on his long trip. Hope we can find time to get the scoop from you.
So although I am not real pleased with the delay, I am glad that processes are in place that ensure my best chances of surviving this course of action (chemo), and in fact I should be (and I am) grateful to the Lord for the fact that the course of events this past week led everyone to be alerted to a potentially dangerous circumstance and take the right course of action.
So I don't know for sure when it will be but as of right now, they have me scheduled for (now Wed) so let's hope I am better by then.
Shout out to my Uncle John making it back safe on his long trip. Hope we can find time to get the scoop from you.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Early morning thought time
Waiting to drive Justin to school this morning, and feeling so much better as the patch brings the pain back under control yesterday, I thought about how I often get caught in the "I need you now Lord ... oh never mind it is ok" syndrome. For the past three months I (my wife) has been changing my fentanyl patch every three days to help mitigate my pain. At first I was extremely aware of and grateful for the relief it provided me and I was well aware of how important it was to follow the rules and change it. This is a lot like when we are in need of the Lord's help and blessings for the times when things go bad and we are sad or hurt or depressed or scared. We pray hard and he is there. Then he blesses us and gives us what "He" knows to be the best for us (not always what we think is the best for us or what we ask for). Most people then begin to slowly forget (gratitude and to continue to pray). We begin to see things as resolving themselves or fixed because of something we do or we just plain don't acknowledge his hand in our lives the way we did before (sometimes it happens in days and weeks). As we forget to acknowledge his hand, he patiently watches as we distance ourselves from his loving care and soon we find ourselves truly on our own. At this point in the analogy I enjoyed my new found strength and ability to do external things (like go places and party) so much, I began to forget what exactly was providing that for me. In this case it was the fentanyl patch that quietly provided my pain relief in the "back" ground (that is where the patch is... on my back..... get it....never mind) and as I was caught up in the good times I neglected to pay attention to it like I should. After 2 days more than I should have changed it, it was basically doing nothing for me and I awoke Sunday morning with a bad morning experience I shared earlier.
It still did not strike me as to the real problem until I returned to the source of my original help (the infamous ER room). Again this is like us not recognizing the source of our help from the Lord right away either. When things get bad enough, we fall on our knees and say Lord help me I am falling..... oh never mind I am caught on the nail....(for those of you familiar with the story). Then finally at the ER room, the pieces start to come back into focus. We call home and have Justin check on the calendar and see when we changed the patch last. Sure enough two days over due. I am caught back into awareness of my faults and weaknesses and find myself fully aware of my dependence on the Lord and in this case my Fentanyl patch. Update: patch was administered in the hospital and one day later the pain is gone again and I am just like I was before (except hopefully a little smarter and a lot more humbled .... again....).
What is it going to take?????
It still did not strike me as to the real problem until I returned to the source of my original help (the infamous ER room). Again this is like us not recognizing the source of our help from the Lord right away either. When things get bad enough, we fall on our knees and say Lord help me I am falling..... oh never mind I am caught on the nail....(for those of you familiar with the story). Then finally at the ER room, the pieces start to come back into focus. We call home and have Justin check on the calendar and see when we changed the patch last. Sure enough two days over due. I am caught back into awareness of my faults and weaknesses and find myself fully aware of my dependence on the Lord and in this case my Fentanyl patch. Update: patch was administered in the hospital and one day later the pain is gone again and I am just like I was before (except hopefully a little smarter and a lot more humbled .... again....).
What is it going to take?????
Monday, January 26, 2009
MRI today too
Went in for an MRI today as well. Should have results tomorrow. Will know if the cancer that they found on my brain is stopped as well...... Hope so.
Looks like I will be going back in for an update sometime
As the days go on, it sounds like my voice is deteriorating a little and I think I will be heading back in for a tune up. But it was not too bad. The toughest part will be to schedule it around my chemo again. Just thought I would let you know. The voice was good for a few days, but it seems to be slipping back a little.
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