Christmas update

Well, it is late Christmas night. Everyone is in bed. Another batch of memories and experiences are tucked away for us to draw on. Although it wasn't quite what I had hoped for, I am so thankful I am here. It was a little rougher through the chemo this time and it made it somewhat difficult to participate, but I did my best and it was still a great Christmas thanks to all the help and support we got from everyone. Since I am sitting in my work / chair reminiscing on the day, and hoping I can get a little more sleep tonight sometime, I will do my best to share some of the wonderful things that people did for us and not focus so much on the other parts of my day (although lots of people keep wanting to know so I will try and be honest about it).

Josh Haycock came over with a wonderful present from he and his wife Megan. I cherish it more than you will know. It was truly inspired and made me cry (in fact I am starting to cry again just thinking of it). It is too special for words and I can't thank you enough.

One of Shawn Guzman's daughters (Shawn is the City attorney here in St. George) remembered Katie from an encounter at the pool a while ago and decided to come visit with her Dad and bring a fun gift for her. It was so neat to think that she would want to do that for her and Katie just fell in love with it. I hope that their friendship can continue (the gift included continued internet interaction) and I think it will. Thanks to Shawn for helping teach kids the value of caring for others and friendships. Just shows you that there is hope for some attorneys I guess.


One major Christmas tradition here is Mom's Christmas Eve soup dinner. She makes several different kinds of soups (most famous for her Print Shop cheese soup) and tons of soft breadsticks for dipping. We get out all the Christmas place settings. It is most memorable and we have been doing it for years. Even though I had been in bed most of the day so far, nothing was going to keep me from my place at the table for this one. I hobbled out and had a taste of the soups and it was delicious. Way to go Julie. Another great Christmas eve dinner. And thanks to Nicole for her help or it may not have happened because Julie actually got called into work earlier in the day.

Santa somehow found his way to our house and in the morning, it was nothing short of awesome. Thanks again to all of Santa's helpers (you know who you are), we had an incredible morning (mostly watching Katie open another present and saying "this is unbelievable" and "I just love it"). The hit of the morning was a stuffed animal hippo that she would not let out of her sight all day. It is her favorite and she is so cute with it. (Good call someone). Just so you know, our Christmas is a very early one. We usually hold the kids back till 6:00 (yes a.m.) and that is as long as we have been able to manage. Our gift opening is usually over by 8:00 and everyone goes off to admire the spoils, enjoy the new games or in the case of the parents, go back to bed. Josh and Kirby actually made the trek over here in the dark at 6:00 so that the tradition could continue (sorry Kirby). I managed to sit out in the chair in the front room for the entire time, but barely felt good enough to open a couple of my presents. I didn't even empty my stocking, but it was fun to watch everyone else. Back in bed by 9:00 as predicted. Spent most of the day there too.

I knew that funds were limited for me so I decided that this year since I had been given a second chance to share memories with my family, that that is what I would do. So I started writing a memory letter to each of the kids and my wife for their presents this year and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. IT has taken me weeks to finish and lots of tears. I had lots of memories and I shared my testimony with each of them, but it seemed like the letters were turning into a farewell and "last will" type thing, and I do not believe we are quite there yet. But it was still the hardest thing I think I have ever done. I was very glad to have a chance to tell each of them how I feel about the gospel and my testimony of the Savior. I have not done that the way that I should have in the past so I am grateful for that "second chance". We told the kids that they could wait and read the letters later if they chose and the older kids (and Julie) probably will wait. (Oops now Brittany knows what she is getting when she comes down with Grandma and Grandpa Sunday.....lol). We are really hoping she can still come down and missed her a lot today.

So overall, I felt truly blessed today (even though this chemo "downer" is a lot harder than the last two). I am blessed because I have my family with me, my knowledge of the Savior at this time of his celebration, and especially the faith that I am doing what the Lord wants me to do and I am happy to accept his will. Nothing more could I ask for than that.


Trying to look happy.....is it working????

Merry Christmas. I hope this helps you appreciate what gifts you received from friends and the Lord in your life too.

City of St. George

Sometimes when you need to be reminded of all the good people around you and the good in them, it humbles you to the point where you can only try and express appreciation to them any way you can. So this post is to shout out to all the awesome employees at the City of St. George (that I worked with for three years). I had been notified that they were collecting food for us and others but then they went overboard and stopped by yesterday (while I was getting chemo) with some tremendous wrapped gifts for our kids. Although they are a little older (Justin and Katie are 15 and 10), we all remember that age and how important is sometimes to get a gift or two under the tree on Christmas. Well thanks to the great people at the City of St. George, they will have several (lots actually) and we have food for Christmas and some to put away for storage as well.


This is again a difficult thing for a proud person like myself to accept, but I am learning that it is more for others to be able to give, than for me to focus what I can't provide at this point. I know that Christmas brings this out in most people, but it again proves to me that the people at both the City of St. George as well as the people of the City of Rapid City (I greatly appreciated their fundraiser as well which is still paying for some of the expensive medicine I need) are some of the best people on this earth.

I don't know how to express it, but I am grateful and say thank you from all of us in my family to each one of you. Merry Christmas and with acts of kindness like this, Christ is definitely central in our Christmas. God has blessed me with a second chance to make memories, learn humility, and experience amazing insight, and not many get this opportunity.

THANK YOU ALL and MERRY CHRISTMAS

Nicole's B-day party

Morning presents for Nicole before chemo.



Josh gave a mighty solo rendition of Happy Birthday that rattled the rafters.



Wish I could have gone with them to the pizza place. I might have been able to stop them from getting tatoos and letting Nicole start drinking now that she is legal...lol.



She is 21 now and decided to prove it.......(she turned into a drinkin' lush....pretty sure it isn't alcoholic, but you never know)

Post Chemo....

So I am sitting in my chair (at home) watching the Jazz game and thought I would share a little of the chemo day with you. We first had presents and sang Happy Birthday to Nicole and then she drove me to the IV therapy room at the old hospital where I get the chemo treatment.

Roz (one of the great nurses there) saved me the really soft chair. My port was already "accessed" from yesterday so she basically started by giving me the pain meds and anti-naseau to help me make it through. Then she started hooking up the bags . Saline bags first and then the first chemo solution. They have to do them one at a time, in order, and give everything time to work so that my body can handle it all right.

Now sit and sit and sit.

I checked in at 9:30 this morning and when Julie finished her work and came to get me at around 3:30 pm I was still about an hour from being finished. They put the last chemo bag (I get 2 different kinds of chemo each time) on the IV tree stand and "let er rip" and Julie climbed on the bed they had next to my chair and slept for a while too. What do I do the whole time? They have a TV I can watch but today I read my book and listened to my christmas music on my MP3 player till the benedryl kicked in and I actually was able to sleep for about 2 1/2 hours real well. It is basically boring when they get it hooked up and running but depending on how the body reacts to the chemo, you have to visit the bathroom often (usually 2 or 3 times for me each time) and if you feel up to it, you try and get whatever food and / or (especially) fluids you can into your body to flush the chemo out.

Now I just go home and wait for either bad times in the next few days or whatever comes. The rest of the family went to a new Pizza restaurant place for Nicole's birthday (some new Pirate place here in St. George) so when they get back I will add pictures. I really wanted to go (and almost did) but I think that would be pushing it too far tonight (and not really smart either).

Church again

Wow, I am really pushing it now..... I went to church for the first time since the surgery last Oct. Julie sang in a trio and Nicole accompanied on her flute with Justin accompanying on his cello. It was beautiful. They did a great job and I lasted just until they were done singing (halfway through the meeting). Then I went out and sat in the foyer where I could stand up if I needed (I did need several times) and the chairs were much softer. I did real well out there, but by the time I got home, I figured I was done for.... and I was. Slept most of the day and could barely get up to eat dinner. Wow what a weekend. I am so glad cause now I get to get back into the other part of my life now..... test, more tests, chemo, sleep, recover etc.... oh and somewhere in there we are going to squeeze in Christmas and New Years.

Thanks to everyone who helped me out this weekend. It was full of great memories.

More family time before "chemo-ing" it up again....

My next chemo session is scheduled for Tues so we are trying to take advantage of the good days I am having now. I don't like having it scheduled 2 days before Christmas (and on Nicole's birthday), but I guess you have to do what they tell you sometimes. It could make Christmas a rough time if I hit my rough days early, but I hope there is a delay so I can enjoy some family time on Christmas.

Since we are trying to come out of the "chemo closet" we decided to go to the Tuacahn Nativity trip with the deaf branch tonight. Here in St. George, one of the neatest things is the Tuacahn theater and every year they do a live Nativity program with live animals and everything. It is a great outdoor theater in the heart of a canyon with an amazing "southern utah" red cliffs backdrop. We try and go every year but I did not think I would be going this year. The deaf branch scheduled tonight for an activity and so we decided to give it a try.

I rested all day to get ready and and took my oxygen, bundled up warm and off we went. They have a little train that takes you around the back lot and when the deaf branch went on it, Nicole (she is such a sweetheart as well as a certified interpreter) "signed" the little narration on the train for the deaf people and I got to finally get a picture of her "doing her thing".

Then we went into the theater and enjoyed the Nativity program. It was a little bit hard because the deaf group (they are awesome) sits way in the front (can you say a bazillion stairs) and for Katie, we get to sit with them. Tonight, it wasn't a blessing for me to have to climb all the stairs, and it was kinda cold, (we did dress warm) but it is a good thing to have the "somewhat" reserved seats.

When we got home I hurried and took some pain pills, climbed into my sleeping /chair and turned on the BYU bowl game (sorry Cougs) that we had recorded. As soon as the medication kicked in and I felt recovered, I realized that this might be why I was given a chance to stay here on earth a little longer. Even through the pain, I felt the spirit of the Christmas message and felt strengthened again by the angels on this side of the veil. It was a wonderful experience for us as a family and some great memories were made again. I just never made enough of these memories before. (Really missed Brittany tonight, but you were there in my heart babe.....We really love you and Clint).

I love my family very much and I have never been closer. Thank you God for my second chance. I am going to make the most of it till ..... well as long as I can. I promise you all. It was so neat, I can't sleep now. Oh well, I will just enjoy the spirit as long as I can.

Just for Nicole

Go BYU tonight. Yes I will be cheering with her for them tonight. I can see no harm in it and she did drive all the way down to be with us so it is the least I could do.......and never let it be said......(some of you know the rest of that......)

Nicole is here.....yippeeeee

My daughter Nicole finished her finals and drove down from Salt Lake this morning. She just walked in the door and it will be so fun to have her here (she does the dishes a lot for us....lol) and we are going to bake cookies and watch the Santa Clause movies and everything. Yippeeeeeee. I am really excited for Christmas. I am a total Christmas nut and I am so grateful I have been given a chance to spend at least one more (hopefully a lot more) with my family.

I don't know what the future will bring, but the present is doing real good at this point with all things considered. At least I am here and with my family for the holidays. Thanks to prayers from everyone and miracles, I am stil here.....(gotta stop before I start tearing up again).

Now she (Nicole) is out playing christmas music on her flute which she hasn't played for a while and Julie is accompanying her on the piano....... I LOVE Christmas.

So where did my voice go??? Surprise!

Just got back from the ENT (ear nose and throat) doctor and i still detest having things shoved through my nose and down my throat like scopes with little lights on them. (Just thought I would reassure those that questioned it).

THE GOOD NEWS and BAD NEWS:

The good news is he thinks he knows what caused me to lose my voice. The bad news is that it might require surgery to fix it. The good news is that we are scheduling the surgery after the holidays. The bad news is that because of everything else wrong with me it is more risky and potentially dangerous than most people. The good news, I am used to that anyway.......ok I will get to it now.

THE CAUSE:

He believes that some of the cancer may have killed one side of my vocal chords (or at least the nerve) so it doesn't close completely to touch the other side when I try and talk. It also affects my ability to eat and especially drink liquids (I have noticed this and just learned to live with it and be careful). But even this puts me at risk so they feel that the surgery is justified even though for me it is more risky than most people (since it already is a risk without it).

THE SURGERY:

The surgery will consist of going down my throat and injecting some substance into the right side of the vocal chords to push the side that is dead, closer to the point where the two sides meet so that it touches when it is supposed to. In other words the left side that works right will come in and actually touch the right side because it has been shoved a little closer manually. (make sense?) It actually did to me but I had to have a picture because I have been a manager too long.

THE RISK:

There are actually several concerns, but the biggest one is the medicine (Coumadin) I am taking for my blood thinning due to the clot they found in my left arm the second time I was in the hospital. I am going to have to stop taking that for 5 days so the clot risk returns but it will be done in the hospital where they can monitor that one closely. The problem is that the risks associated with the blood could also come into play in a week or two after as well so I have to be very careful. To be honest there were other risks and they want me to go see an internist first to be sure that all the other factors from all the other surgeries is stabilized enough so if anything is not good we will call it off until it is.

COORDINATION:

On top of that........ we have to try and fit it inbetween chemo treatments so that I can do it when I am on the best "upswing" weeks between the chemo. Fun times.

Any questions just leave me a comment and I will have my secretary get right back to you.

Brothers...

Almost forgot.....happy birthday to my big brother Kelly and my little brother is now out of my will cause he never told me about his plans for his store..... had to find out from someone else. Too bad Dan, I bet you could have used the $20......lol.

Fun times today

So we tried it out and it was fun fun fun. Julie and I went to Walmart. Our experience was a little bit different than Megan's (might have been the time of day). It wasn't very crowded and I had a great time racing around in those little electric cars (played "chicken" with several others and I always won.... they were all old fogies) and found all the stuff I wanted to get for Christmas (mostly candy......lol). Then we stopped at Subway and I forgot how good those Subs can be when you have been eating in a lot (not that Julie hasn't been feeding me good).

Stopped at City Hall to get a paper notarized and ended up seeing lots of people so it took longer than anticipated. Made one other stop to get some presents and when i finally got home, I was tired but oh so happy. Back to back days out for fun and a date with my wife today. I fell asleep in less than 5 minutes but smiling from ear to ear.

Good times. Anxious to see where I can dream up tomorrow..... maybe we will drive to Vegas and drop some serious change........

Coming out of the "chemo" hibernation.....

Julie and I have decided that we are going to take the recommendation of several of the doctors we have seen and change our attitude towards "isolation". Also in talking with Josh H. a little about his wife again (I really appreciate her inspiration to me) that I need to get out a little more from now on. Up till now, we have been very careful (and without knowing how I would handle chemo, it was the right thing to do) and I have not gone out in public hardly at all. I haven't even gone to church.

But we are going to slowly change that somewhat and I am going to get out more. Dr. Rawson (in Rapid City) tried to help us understand that way of thinking in the very first discussion, but it is hard to not want to totally protect yourself. He explained that with certain basic precautions, I can still live a "life" and not become a total recluse. So no "reclusing" for this guy any more. We will be careful and avoid sickness where ever possible and washing hands will become a total obsession, but I have decided to come out......of my chemo closet (actually just when my antibodies are built back up after treatment so it will still be somewhat limited).

So if you have any really cool events that you think I should attend (like the Sugar Bowl or actually any bowl game, the NBA championship, departmental Christmas party or whatever.....), just send an e-mail to my secretary and we will see if I can work it into my new schedule ...lol.

Just thought I would share that with you today. I am still up for visitors occasionally as well. Just call first and make sure it is not the bad week of chemo (when I try and be a little more careful or am too tired). Thanks to everyone who has been over to see me in between the bad weeks, and especially to my home teacher in the hearing ward (Bro. Jennings) who has seen to it that they bring the sacrament to me every week. I really appreciate all the efforts made in my behalf.

I love you all very much.

(I doubt I will be going to the Sugar Bowl, but I will be watching for Alma and the others that are.... GO UTES......)

Party on dude.........

******** CHRISTMAS PARTY - ST. GEORGE IT DEPARTMENT


You know just when you need it most, good friends come through. I got a call yesterday (had a pretty rough time with the reality of "no miracle") and my old co-workers from the City here invited me to their department Christmas party luncheon. I was thrilled to say yes but I knew I would have to convince Julie to let me go. It turned out she was actually in favor and encouraged me to go. So I went and talk about a great therapy program. Tons of great food (and they didn't make me bring anything), Wii games on the huge overhead projector, and the best friends and company anyone could ask for. I really needed the change and the company. Totally therapeutic.



Thanks goes out to the great IT department here in St. George. They really know how to show an old co-worker a good time........ they were awesome and I am ready to go after it again. Now ....pictures......


Don't forget to check out the "Christmas Story" leg lamp on the table (only Josh H. would have one...lol) It was also "frajeelay".......

Weather on the way to doctor's

Snowing???



It is starting to snow......in St. George????

Scan results

While driving to the doctor's, we were in the middle of a snow storm and it was cold and gloomy. I thought this had better not be an indication of the news and luckily it was not.....

Went to the doctor Te's office for the results. He is pleased from a doctor's point of view. I should be too (and I am) but I had allowed myself to get hopeful that he would say "hmm where did all the cancer go.... it is all gone?". Guess what he didn't say that.... darn it. The areas that were prevalent in the last scan all showed "no uptake" which meant that their choice of chemo had stopped all cancer growth in those areas (and they did not identify any new areas) that had been a concern. This is actually incredibly good news and I am pleased to a point but it was unfortunate that I allowed my hopes to get so high (little let down now).

Where from here? The best course of action with these results (unfortunately) is three more treatments and a scan.... (I smell a pattern coming on....lol). So while it is not the "miracle" we all look for in these situations (right fellow cancer people), it is actually a miracle for me that it stopped the growth. We may not ever get rid of it (so the medical doctors warn) but at least I have had some success for which I am truly truly thankful.

I will write more later when I have had time to get used to the news, but I wanted all of you to know as soon as I could.

We have an inch of snow on our front lawn. This is supposed to be St. George folks.... come on.....

Followers...

I have to admit, I am still learning a little about this blog site and I noticed the followers at the bottom. I didn't understand it when I put it on originally (I thought it looked cool and I am game for anything cool). But since I read up on it finally, I wanted to just note that I moved it up where I could see it and I wanted to thank those of you who put yourself on there. I didn't realize some of you even knew about this but when I saw some of you, it made me smile and as I get feeling better, I will get back to you as soon as I can.

Thanks again to everyone for their support and prayers. (Pray for my kids too.... several are going through finals.....ahhhhhhhhhhh ..... the memories). I am glad that part of my life is over but it does remind me of a joke. You know why old people start doing their geneology and going to the temple so much......."cramming for their finals too".......lol (ok sorry it is too early in the morning... can't sleep waiting for scan results....just groan and move on)....

(for Judy and Matthew.... Fee Fie Foe - Fee Fee Fie Fie.)

Weekend of waiting

Some of our friends from Salt Lake came down to visit a little this weekend. It was great to see them and helped take my mind off the upcoming results of my scan. Justin had a performance with a string quartet yesterday and Julie decided I could go to this one because there wouldn't be as many people there and I really wanted to see my boy perform. It was great. He is truly gifted on the cello and he proved it again. He did great and I was really glad I got to go. Way to go Justin.

Wow what a trip back to the 70s

This morning, I didn't have any doctors or tests or anything so I decided to catch up on some DVR stuff. A while ago I recorded the Osmond's 50th anniversary tour thing on PBS and so I decided to watch it. Wow what a trip...... but the thing that was really funny is when they were singing the song "Long haired lover from Liverpool", Julie started to sing right along with them and really getting into it. Turns out she and Suzanne (her sister) were all caught up in Osmond mania back in the 70's. I had heard a few stories, but I learned some more about my angel wife after 25 years. Glad I only bought their Christmas album. Scary.

It took 3 of them to bring me in.....

I hear a knock on the door.... it is louder than the UPS guy. I look out the window..... oh no it is the cops...... what do I do. Of course I open the door. Not only the police...... it is the 3 of St. George's finest. Deputy Chief Peck, Chief Stratton and since they don't get out much they brought the Dispatch director Jeff Dial to make sure they found me.



What a shock. It made my whole day...no whole month in one visit. I can't say how much I appreciated it. Timing was good, we had a good visit and they made me feel like I can do it because so many people are behind me. In fact in this picture, I decided with some great people like this holding me up, i shall not fall or fail.......

A beautiful day in St. George

It is absolutely beautiful here in St. George today.

For the past few weeks, I have been able to drive Justin to school in the morning. It is only a 15 minute drive, but the important part is that I have been able to do it without my oxygen and I feel like my lungs are getting stronger. I also went for a little walk around our circle with my wife today without the oxygen or the walker. It is amazing how these little things mean so much now. It seems like a small thing but to me now these are minor victories.

It has been hard to watch my wife and kids cleaning up the leaves and yard and not being able to do it myself. It was always therapy for me to do yard work and now that I can't it hurts. But I am trying to do the best thing to get my body better.

Tired, but feeling good......