First day dressed (no pajamas) in a while ... date with Julie

Wed Nov 19th
I was really feeling good today so when Julie got Katie off to school, I told her that I wanted to get out and go shopping or something. I actually put on some clothes (Levis and they had a hard time staying up even with a belt) and we went to get some prescriptions refilled and then to Smiths. We got some lunch and sat and ate it there. It was so fun and I needed it badly. It was real fun too cause I got to drive around on that little driving carts they have for people like me now and they are pretty cool. It did take a little toll on me though and I was pretty wiped out for most of the rest of the day. Even though I feel good, I guess I still have some of that chemo going through my body. I am trying to remember to drink lots of fluids to flush it out, but some days I don’t do as well as other.

Little chemo "downer"

Tues Nov 18th
Today was what I consider a little set back day. No real bad nausea or anything, but definitely a “chemo-reminder” day. Couldn’t eat a lot at first and very tired. Spent a lot of time in the chair today. Feeling somewhat better by night though.

Planning pre-Thanksgiving dinner

Monday Nov 17th
Went in for checkup with Dr. Te. He said everything was looking good at this point and tried not to give me too much yet, but I could tell that even he was pleased. I am still worried that I may have some up and down days yet because I did have some through the last treatment, but so far the whole experience has been much better than the last one.
Called Mom and Dad and decided to have them come down this next weekend for a small little pre-Thanksgiving dinner with them here. They seemed to like that idea so we will probably have visitors again this weekend. I am just glad that I am up for even thinking about it. I hope it works out well.

Planning pre-Thanksgiving dinner

Monday Nov 17th
Went in for checkup with Dr. Te. He said everything was looking good at this point and tried not to give me too much yet, but I could tell that even he was pleased. I am still worried that I may have some up and down days yet because I did have some through the last treatment, but so far the whole experience has been much better than the last one.
Called Mom and Dad and decided to have them come down this next weekend for a small little pre-Thanksgiving dinner with them here. They seemed to like that idea so we will probably have visitors again this weekend. I am just glad that I am up for even thinking about it. I hope it works out well.

Feeling unbelievably good

Sun. Nov 16th
Everyone (except Katie and Nicole) went to the hearing ward and the girls went later to the deaf branch. I slept a good part of the day, but then at around 2:00 we had dinner. The food looked good, tasted good and I ate a whole plateful. It was very surprising, Then about an hour later Josh and Kirby came over for leftovers and after I had laid back down, I heard them singing Happy Birthday to Katie so I went out and as I stood up to go out, I felt better again (Just stand up). As I stood out there with them, I get feeling better and better till I could not believe how good I felt. I was even dancing a little and putting on a show. I don’t understand it, but am very happy about it. I think the Lord is blessing me beyond belief and I am so grateful for all of it, Even after I sat back in my chair in my room, I was not over-exhausted like I sometimes get when I think I am feeling better and do that kind of thing. It was another tiny miracle.

Julie has some welcome visitors

Sat. Nov 15th
Teresa and Tori came down for the weekend to play with Katie and Julie. It was very nice to have them here for the weekend and I think it really helped them get “rejuvenated”. I was not feeling too bad, but not real good either so I rested most of the day while they went to the deaf branch activity at the Museum and then went swimming. Nicole didn’t go swimming so she spent most of the afternoon with me here in my room and I watched football while she watched a movie. We went for a walk up the street too and she and I had a good talk.

Waiting for the bad times of chemo.....

Wed Nov 12th
I am waiting for the chemo after-effects to kick in but for the most part it has been a very good day.

Thur Nov 13th
Same thing today. No direct results from the chemo. A little tired but no nausea or other symptons.

Fri. Nov 14th
Well it finally hit a little bit last night. In fact it hit really hard. No throwing up or diarrhea but the nausea was a little bit off and on.

Chemo .....round 2

Tues Nov 11th
Woke up this morning around 4:30 and couldn’t sleep as I am quite anxious about the upcoming treatment. We have decided that this one won’t be as bad (everyone says they get better) but also I am not in the middle of radiation as well and I also am going into this one in much better condition and health. So all in all I am hoping for a little better experience, but I am still apprehensive. At least I know that if I need them I have angels on the other side waiting for me to request their assistance if needed.
Later: Went to the IV therapy in the afternoon. They had us originally scheduled for morning but for some reason changed us. Everything went smoothly once we finally got going but it was so late that we knew we wouldn’t get out of there till after 7:00 and we didn’t. They had to have a couple of people stay late with us so I think they will probably not do that again next time. It was a whole different experience this time because I was not nearly as sick, just finishing surgeries, in the middle of radiation etc. I was able to control the nausea and diarrhea the whole time so I only got up to stretch my legs and empty the foley bag once. They did tell us a little more this time about how we should be handling the bathroom stuff during the recovery period and to be honest we were a little bit surprised that 1) no one talked to us about it after the first one and 2) somehow Julie managed to do all the things she did for me without getting sick or affected by the care she gave me. It is even to the point where I am the only one that should be doing anything in the bathroom and really they recommend that if possible I have a bathroom all to myself. The reason is the chemo is still toxic when it comes out in the urine and stools. It can affect other people that come in any contact at all. Scary.

Clinical results looking good

Mon Nov 10th
We went to the doctor’s today and everything is looking very good and I am cleared to begin round 2 tomorrow. I had several people in the IV therapy and in Dr. Te’s office tell me I was looking much better than I had since I had come in. Very encouraging. They have a scale they use to determine how much the body is sending to fight the “tumors” (not sure what it all means) and they said that when they first checked it before round 1 it was 600 and something and today it was in the mid 300s. All of these things were very encouraging and have me very hopeful. I know that the Lord is blessing me and answering our prayers in my behalf. What a great day.

Thinking of Chemo round 2

Sun Nov 9th
Today was a little bit of a rougher day but I think it was just because of the concern I have for going back into a chemo week. The thought of the nausea and other symptoms when you are going through the recovery was very trying on my mind and may have affected my physical being as well. Even when Josh and Kirby came over for dinner, I was only able to go out and sit with them for a few minutes and had to come back in my room and rest. I couldn’t eat very much all day. I did start to feel better through the night however.

Home Teacher to the rescue

Sat Nov 8th
Jimmy Harris came over and said he was prompted to come and I was very glad to see him. He has been like a brother to me and we had a good chat. He went on a walk with me too up the street twice. He rode the little Honda Ruckus I gave him (Kenny Peterson’s old scooter) over and with his German helmet, he looks pretty funny on it. Julie went to work and to Justin’s play again and I really missed her a lot while she was gone.

Home Teacher to the rescue

Sat Nov 8th
Jimmy Harris came over and said he was prompted to come and I was very glad to see him. He has been like a brother to me and we had a good chat. He went on a walk with me too up the street twice. He rode the little Honda Ruckus I gave him (Kenny Peterson’s old scooter) over and with his German helmet, he looks pretty funny on it. Julie went to work and to Justin’s play again and I really missed her a lot while she was gone.

Storm in Rapid City

Fri. Nov 7th
Marc M. and James Duckett came and visited me this morning. It was good to see them for a few minutes. Justin did his play again and Julie and Katie went. He is loving it. Got a chance to talk to Kevin T. from work and go caught up on a lot of things at work. Sounds like things are going well and we were able to talk through some important things. Rapid City has been hit these past two days with a huge storm and they have lots of big drifts again. Glad I wasn’t there this time.

Car to Mike...

Thurs. Nov 6th
Cory and Doug came and got my car and took it to Mike this morning. Had a good visit. Cory brought my trumpet back and Justin has started to play on it now.

Adopted family in Rapid City (Andersons)

Wed. Nov 5th
Today was a pretty good day. I didn’t have any doctor’s appointments or have to go anywhere. I did feel pretty weak in the morning so while Julie went to work, I slept and rested and then took it easy the rest of the day. Called and talked to Jeanette (Anderson’s) tonight and filled them in on the latest of my health. Actually had several good days health wise. Eating better too.

New president for U.S.

Tues. Nov. 4th
The country elected a new President today and it was pretty dramatic. Senator Barrack Obama was elected and it will obviously have a significant impact on the country and the World with an African-American President. Funny though how those things don’t seem to mean anything to you when you are going through all this. I know it is significant, but it is hard to think that it is anything you should even worry about.
Health seemed to be fair but had some times where I wasn’t sure if I was going to get sick or not.

Chemo week - ......checking out for a while.......

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For the next week and a half, I did not keep track of all the events and actually have tried to forget many of them as this was the “10 – 15 day” downhill period of the first session of chemo and any chemo patient will tell you this is probably the most miserable thing they have gone through (or at least one of them). In general you are hit by several back to back periods of diarrhea and other episodes of throwing up and occasionally they hit together. You have very little (if any) appetite and whatever you do get in usually comes right back up shortly thereafter so when you throw up it is generally just “dry heaves” anyway. You have no strength to do anything and you just lay there wishing that it would all be over soon (literally sometimes). There were two distinct times that I can remember specifically where I was sure that I couldn’t do this and wanted to just quit and give up.
Julie was very strong and kept assuring me that she would be there all the way for me and would not let me quit. She was again a rock and at the same time the most compassionate nurse anyone could have asked for. Many times as I would be sitting in the chair next to the bed, just waiting for the next trip into the bathroom, I would feel a hand slip into mine on the bed next me and I would open my eyes to make sure that it was the hand of my wife as I actually thought it was angelic in nature only to realize that it was her hand but it was also angelic as well. She would just lay there and give me of her strength through her touch and I would know then that I could make it.
As the week went on and after a few more days I began to feel better and better so I knew that I was on the upward swing. I spent a lot of time switching between my bed and the (lazy boy) chair next to the bed that Bro. Jennings donated after the wedding to the cause. I watch T.V. and sometimes try and do computer stuff (like this diary) but mostly you just try and make it from one trip to the bathroom till the next.
The people in Rapid City (work) have been absolutely fantastic about supporting me. Especially these past few days. Kevin and Russ have been handling everything and trying hard not to bother me with anything that I don’t need to deal with so I can focus on getting better.

CHEMO begins - hang on tight ... here we go......

Mon. Oct 20th Well today was day 1 of actual chemo. Not sure what to expect but it was a little bit better because of the “port” I have in. I went to the IV therapy place and they got me all set up in a bed (they have lots of chairs, but only had one bed). I was actually pretty tired and I guess I still looked as if I had been in and out of the hospital several times in the past few weeks (oh wait I had). They treated me almost as if I was in the hospital again. I am actually starting to feel very comfortable in the hospital mentality and routine. I have gotten to know lots of RNs and CNAs and even quite a few of the doctors now. I know a lot of the terms, routines and tests they do (Julie is even better than me). Anyway, once I was in the bed, they set up the drip tubes and began to hook up all sorts of tubes and bags on the little drip tube “tree”. There is a really great nurse there named Rosalind and she was so fun. She has had breast cancer twice and has been doing this IV therapy /chemo treatments to patients (as a nurse) for many, many years. She has seen about everything and is pretty funny. She set it all up and took good care of me all day. I slept for most of the time and did my usual “sweating” and soaked the bed. Oh that is another thing that is interesting about me lately. When I sleep real good, I have started just having sweat pour out of my body, but it doesn’t seem to be good or bad it just happens. In the hospital, we changed my gowns a lot because of it.
That afternoon, I had another radiation treatment scheduled. The radiation treatment area was on the lower floor there at the old hospital (which is where the IV therapy was too) so they said I could just have Julie take me down for that in the middle of the chemo treatment. I was not sure about it, but trusted Julie to do what was best. We ended up being late and there was a backlog of people waiting at the time so it looked as if we would be there for a while. I knew how important it was to not miss the treatment so I thought I would try and tough it out. As I sat in the wheelchair with my oxygen tube in my nose and my “drip tube tree” beside me and displaying all the characteristics of a recent hospital candidate (3 times over) I figured that anyone else in that room had to be encouraged by comparing their own situation to mine, and they would recognize by looking at me that “it could be worse”.
As 10 to 15 minutes passed (seemed like hours) I found my leg bouncing fiercely again (reaction to pain and stress) and Julie kept looking over from her puzzle (they have a table with a puzzle for people waiting) and asking if I was ok. She knew better, but I told her I was (ok). I again began to pray to my Heavenly Father and told him I couldn’t do it again and needed help. Again I heard the spirit say to me “Just stand up”. Once again my feeble faith took over as I questioned the sense in this and I wondered just what spirit I was listening too. I did as it directed though and I began to walk around the little waiting area that had some open space and started to circle the space. As I did, I felt more energy come to me and as before I felt unseen support from the other side of the veil. After 4 circuits of the room I sat down again and was able to sit calmly and peacefully in the wheelchair for over an hour while I waited my turn. It was incredibly spiritual for me. I know there were angels on the other side of the veil holding me up through this trial as well.

Nicole talk in church (more angels)

Sun. Oct 19th Most of our extended family that had come down for the wedding left to go home Sunday morning. Nicole had been asked to give a talk in the Deaf branch today and so I was determined to go and hear her. Again angels were prayed for and received. As we were sitting in the chapel, I again began to feel tired and weak. As I prayed, I felt the spirit again say “Just stand up”. I did so after the sacrament and (like before) as I stood there in the back, I felt lifted and supported by unseen angels that carried me through until her talk was over. She gave a fantastic talk on the importance of families and I was so impressed. We then went home and I rested most of the day. Julie’s parents came over and asked if I thought they could help by staying and I said I really thought they could if they stayed one more day which turned out to be true. They were able to help Julie take care of several clean up issues from the wedding (returns and stuff left at the alumni house etc) that made it so Julie could concentrate on getting me through my first day of chemo.

Josh and Kirby's wedding

Sat Oct. 18th Josh’s Wedding: Today was one of the most spiritual days I have ever experienced. We had decided that my main goal was to be in the sealing room for the wedding. If I was not able to be at the rest of the activities, then that would be fine as long as I made it to the wedding itself. I felt it was my right, privilege, and responsibility to be sitting on that witness seat next to the sealer for my son and I was going to be there. I got ready as early as I could and we headed over to the temple. They had arranged a wheel chair for me when I got there. They took me in and got some white clothes for me and I went into a small room for handicap people and changed. It seemed to take a little energy from me, but I did ok for the most part and did it by myself (except for socks). I was pleased about that. Dad and others helped me get upstairs. Then we went and waited with the Bride and Groom and their parents in another room for about 15 minutes.

Josh and Kirby looked absolutely radiant and I kept thinking this was what we had worked so hard for. Josh, to be able to marry her (he had asked her dad 3 times before he finally said yes) and me to be there for it. But most important was that Josh had worked hard to be able to marry Kirby for all time and eternity in the temple. What a true blessing we can realize from that in our lives now thanks to the gospel. We then went up (the parents) to the room. In the St. George temple there is one sealing room just off of the Celestial Room so you have to get dressed in whites to be there. Everyone dressed in whites made it that much more special.

After everyone came in and sat down (the room was overflowing and some people even stood) they brought the couple in. I was able to be one of the Witnesses and there was nothing more important to me at time than that. As the sealer came in and began talking I was overcome by the spirit and began to cry a little (as did most of us in there). I could not comprehend how blessed I was to have the Lord answer our prayers the way he did. Josh and Kirby knelt at the alter and were married for all time and eternity. It was truly a dream come true for all of us.


After the wedding, I went home and rested. We decided to try and see how I would do at the breakfast. It was held at the Alumni house and Julie and her family (as well as Kirby’s folks) did a tremendous job and it was very nice.

After the breakfast we went home and I rested again for a while to see if I could make it at all to the reception. I wanted to be there so bad. I felt up to it so we loaded up and headed over. I had a wheel chair and walker and oxygen tank for my entourage. Nicole took me and Katie and Julie came minutes later with Teresa.

When we got there, I changed into the red tie Josh got for us and there was a huge “lazy boy” chair there for me. Julie had been asked by Bro. Jennings (our home teacher) what he could do and she suggested that if he could find a lazy boy chair and get it there for me, it would really help. It was huge and very comfortable in most cases, but it was almost too big for me there. We did the “wedding pictures” and I managed to do really well in all of them. Grandma and Grandpa Faerber were not there yet and so they didn’t get in the Grandparent’s shot, but it was ok. When they did get there we found out that Grandpa had gotten a ticket on the way there for speeding. Now that is a real oxy-moron, but it happened. When people started coming through, we took our places in the little line under the trees in the back. It was decorated absolutely perfect in my mind. The weather could not have been better either.

In the line it was Kirby’s parents first, then the happy couple, and then Julie and I. I was sitting in the chair for a while and starting to get worn out (even sitting) and not sure how long I would last. I started praying for some help and I felt the spirit tell me to “just stand up”. This seemed very strange to me, given my current situation but I decided to listen to the spirit. I had a little red “walker” (like Grandma Cook’s) that one of Julie’s new dear friends had loaned us and so I put it right next to Julie and stood by it. It also had a little seat area so I alternated between the seat and standing and soon I realized I felt better the longer I stood. Soon I was not even aware of how tired or hurting I was and I know that I had angels on the other side of the veil holding me up. I was able to stand (and alternate sitting on the walker) for the entire time (several hours). In fact I was able to even stay and watch them cut the cake and throw the bouquet and everything. Finally sweet Nicole took me home and I could not have been happier at that moment. The Lord had heard and answered prayers in a very direct way. It was a most perfect evening.

The decorations were absolutely perfect. The bride was beautiful and the groom was beaming and very handsome. Lots of people came and it was so good to see everyone. Lots of our family were able to make it down and it was absolutely perfect in every way (in my opinion). Some of them came over briefly to say hi, but it was hard for me to see them.

Julie told her parents about the blessing from President Jensen and the angels on both sides of the veil. She asked them to keep an eye out for the poster and they ran right down to Deseret Book and brought a copy back all wrapped up for her and it almost made us cry (well I think Julie did cry). We now have that prominently displayed on the fireplace and it gives us hope every day as we talk about the angels here and there. Especially from the wedding as I realized that coming from the hospital (almost not able to leave) two days before and going through all I went through, that whether I felt them physically or not, I had angels on either side of me holding me up at the reception that night and I needed to “just stand up” so they could do their job and assist me as I requested. There was no other way that I could have possibly made it.